Overcoming lust is something I get a lot of emails about. Over the years of working with guys, I hear things like:
- I don’t give in much, but I battle it often.
- I watch porn sometimes and struggle a ton.
- I view it daily yet I constantly crave it.
Before you think you’re exempt, I hear this from young single guys, older married guys, and grandfathers. We need to address this struggle in our hearts for what it is—a battle with the devil. The saddest email I’ve received said: “I’ve already lost my wife and kids to the struggle of lust. And, I’m still struggling with it.”
The sin becomes slavery—and slavery becomes a tragedy.
Here’s what I want you to know:
- You’re not alone.
- There is hope.
- It’s time to overcome.
It’s time to deal with your struggle. It’s time to start overcoming lust. What follows is a few tools I’ve found helpful in working with guys who struggle in this area.
5 tools for overcoming lust.
#1 Remember Scripture for overcoming lust.
Lust isn’t a sin that’s overcome by a “Do these 5 things and be free” type of list. It’s a heart issue. That said, you’re never wrong to look to Scripture for help. Know it. Read it daily. Memorize it. Here are a few verses to hide in your heart.
Psalm 101:3-4 > I will not set anything worthless before my eyes. I hate the practice of transgression; it will not cling to me. 4 A devious heart will be far from me; I will not be involved with evil.
Matthew 5:27-28 > You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. 28 But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
1 John 2:15-16 > Do not love the world or the things that belong to the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him. 16 For everything that belongs to the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one’s lifestyle—is not from the Father, but is from the world.
I could tell you about the alarming statics concerning the porn industry, but you don’t need to hear that to know pornography is a problem. I could tell you that it is an issue for both men and women, but you probably already know that porn addiction is widespread. All we need to understand is that porn is a terrorist that can subtly damage our most precious relationships.
How to overcome porn addiction:
Pray.
If porn is a struggle of yours, you’ve probably already done this. Keep doing it. Prayer has a unique way of connecting us to God. And being connected to the Father is our best way out of this mess. Men are wired to be stimulated visually, which makes porn a brain issue and a heart one. Pray for God to renew your mind (Romans 12:2) and guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Tell someone.
Accountability is going to be a vital weapon in this fight. Even though porn is a problem that hurts so many people, it is also one nobody talks about. We have to tell someone. One of Satan’s greatest weapons is convincing you that you are the only one who struggles with sin. Opening up to someone else will help you make genuine efforts towards letting go of this problem.
There are plenty of resources to take advantage of for help: support groups, online and in-person programs, and even apps. To help keep you honest, there is software, like Covenant Eyes, that will send out an email of inappropriate websites you visited to someone you’ve entrusted to keep you accountable. Whatever you choose as your plan of attack, make sure it includes more people than just you.
Dig for the roots.
Like all addictions, something leads us to that initial drink, drug, or magazine. Think back to your first exposure to porn. How did it happen? What void did you believe it filled? Deal with that wound or insecurity head-on instead of allowing porn to numb the pain.
Identify your triggers.
You know the circumstances that send you looking for porn. Be aware of them. Is it a particular time of day? Is it when you’re feeling stressed? We have to understand our triggers to know how to avoid them or are prepared to fight when they arise.
Don’t give up.
If it were easy to walk away, it wouldn’t be labeled an addiction. This is a battle you will find yourself in time and time again. Maybe forever. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Just because it’s a fight doesn’t mean you can’t win.
WANT SOME HELP TALKING WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX?
Our friends at Proven Ministries have built a solid course to help parents create honest and biblical conversations about sexuality. They call it: The SexTalk. But, don’t let the name fool you. It’s not just one talk, but a series of conversations. But, hey, we gotta start somewhere, right?
WANT SOME HELP TALKING WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX?
Our friends at Proven Ministries have built a solid course to help parents create honest and biblical conversations about sexuality. They call it: The SexTalk. But, don’t let the name fool you. It’s not just one talk, but a series of conversations. But, hey, we gotta start somewhere, right?
You can eliminate porn addiction from your life.
Porn addiction is a problem that is eroding the hearts of men. If undealt with, it can become a toxin that poisons too many aspects of our lives. Do something about it today. It all starts with you; let these steps be your game plan and get to work.
Challenge: Seek accountability from men around you.
Like this post and want to write for Manhood Journey? Email me for more details.
#2 Read this post for help in overcoming lust.
Writing for this blog, I wrote about a question we get often: “I struggle with the sin of lust. How can I overcome it?” In that post, I cover several practical steps you can take in your battle again this sin. For example:
- Memorizing Scripture—and which verses to know as you’re getting started.
- Praying and boundaries—what to pray and which boundaries to set.
- Finding a good small group—what that looks like and what it doesn’t.
- Filling your heart properly—what’s forgotten when simply trying to “stop sinning.”
- Seeking wise counsel—beyond just a group of guy’s—what’s your role in the church.
Read the blog post on how to overcome the struggle of lust.
#3 Watch this video from John Piper on overcoming lust.
Dr. John Piper has a video called two strategies to win the war on lust. It’s about how to transform your mind. In Dr. Piper’s “Ask Pastor John” series, he uses the illustration of exercising in order to help you get at transforming your mind. Piper explains resistance and reception and how, over time, we can transform our minds and hearts so we’re prepared for the war on lust.
Find the video from the “Ask Pastor John” Series on two strategies to win the war on lust.
#4 Read this book from Heath Lambert for overcoming lust.
I’ve never read a more practical and honest book about the struggle of lust. Dr. Lambert is authentic and talks about what works and what doesn’t—along with his experience in working with guys for years.
Here a few snippets from his book for an idea of how this book is written:
- “Jesus will set you free from your struggle, but he also calls you to participate in his work.”
- “God does not forbid sexual immorality because he wants you to be miserable; God forbids it because sexual immorality leads to brokenness, sadness, emptiness, death, and hell.”
- “You look at porn when you have the desire to see it, when you have the time to look at it, and when it is available to you. Nobody looks at pornography without all three of these elements coming together.”
Get Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace and start reading.
#5 Join Proven Men for help in overcoming lust.
Proven Men is a community of guys who get it. Whether you’re a young guy, an older guy, or a pastor, these guys are fighting the good fight. Check them out. I don’t need to say much more here than this—PROVEN stands for:
Passionate for God
Repentant in Spirit
Open and honest
Victorious in living
Eternal in perspective
Networked with other godly people
Learn more about the ministry of Proven Men.
These are a few tools I’d recommend for fighting the struggle of lust. From blog posts to books and full-on communities, my hope is this post reminds you that you aren’t alone. That there is hope. And that you can start today to find freedom from lust. When you know God and His ways, and what He did by sending His son for you, there is freedom not just from lust—but all sin.
Your mission for overcoming lust.
Review the list in this post. Pick one thing you haven’t done before. Do it. Let me know how it goes.
