More than three decades ago, at 4:00 on a Wednesday morning, I became a father. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately because my oldest child just celebrated a birthday. So, over the last few days, my mind has drifted back to what it felt like to be the dad of a newborn for the first time.
Plus, my son is now a first-time dad with a son of his own. It’s his second child, but it has reminded me again that a man’s first year as a dad comes with its own special set of joys and challenges.
Key Takeaways
- Grace Before Perfection: Your first year as a dad will include mistakes, and the goal is not to avoid them but to learn from them without letting them define you.
- Prayer Is Not Optional: A first-time dad who brings his fears, his exhaustion, and his uncertainty to God is not admitting weakness; he is accessing the only source of wisdom that never runs dry.
- Your Wife Needs You to Show Up: The greatest gift a new dad can give his wife is a partner who carries the load alongside her, not one who waits to be asked.
- Bonding Takes Time and Presence: The connection you build with your child in the first year does not happen automatically; it happens because you showed up, held them, talked to them, and stayed.
- God Chose You for This: He knew you would be this child’s father before the foundation of the earth, which means the gap between who you are and who your child needs is smaller than you think.
Give Yourself Some Grace
Unfortunately, the first year as a dad doesn’t come with an instruction manual. To make things even more interesting, no two children are alike, so you really have to take all the great advice you’re getting with a grain of salt. What worked for a friend or family member might not work for your kids—and that’s OK.
The main thing you’ve got to remember about becoming a father is that you’re not going to get everything right. Like every new experience in life, you’ve got to be comfortable with a measure of learning on the fly and gaining wisdom from your mistakes.
I know things are moving fast for you right now. But never forget that fatherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself some grace. You’re an imperfect man living in a broken world, but your mistakes don’t have to define you as a dad.
Tips for Your First Year as a Dad
I know that I just got through saying that becoming a dad is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. And I stand by that statement. But I also believe you can integrate some general principles that will help you tailor the specifics to your situation. Here are five basic tips for thriving in your first year as a dad.
1. Pray… A Lot
Simply put, dads can’t do it alone. Thankfully, we serve a heavenly Father who knows exactly what we need and is more than happy to provide His wisdom (James 1:5). Talk to Him about what scares you and what excites you. Ask Him for strength and guidance. Pray for your family and for the future. He placed this child in your care, so He’s not going to leave you hanging when you come to Him for help.
2. Support Your Wife
I know becoming a father for the first time feels overwhelming. But the same is true for your wife. Most likely, she’s even more tired than you are. And the greatest gift you can give her is to carry some of that load. Go out of your way to help your wife.
Set boundaries to protect her as she adjusts to motherhood and remind her how much you love her. After all, God brought you together as a team (Genesis 2:24). And if you start working together in these early days, mutual support will become a habit that will carry you through the tough days in the future.
3. Spend Time with Your Child
In sports, they say you can’t win a game in the first quarter, but you can lose it in the first quarter. In my experience, I’d say the same is true for being a dad. Fatherhood is a battle, and what you do in these early days can set the tone for victories and defeats down the road. Bonding is a real thing, but it requires time.
So, hold your child. Talk to your son or daughter about God and your dreams. Sing songs as you rock them to sleep at night. Pray over your child during a feeding. Being present will be important throughout his or her life, but your first year as a dad is where it all begins.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
As guys, we like to think we have it all together every moment of every day. But being the father of a newborn doesn’t work that way. I once heard someone say that when you’re too proud or stubborn to ask for help, you’re robbing someone else of a blessing. That’s true, but you’re not doing much to help yourself or your wife either.
The apostle Paul compared the church to a body for a good reason (1 Corinthians 12:12-26). We need each other, so don’t be afraid to ask for help as the dad of a newborn.
5. Enjoy the Ride
Fatherhood is a roller coaster. It moves fast, and it’s filled with ups, downs, twists, and turns. You might go through a dark tunnel or two along the way. Sometimes, it might even feel like you’re flying upside down. But that’s what keeps things interesting.
It’s what makes becoming a father an adventure. Take time to enjoy the moment because that first year will go by much faster than you can imagine.
You’ve Got This!
Over the years, I’ve had the chance to speak to many different parents in many different settings. And I try to remind all of them of one simple truth: God made them for this job. When the heat gets turned up, it’s easy to forget that nothing catches God by surprise. He knew you would be a dad before the foundation of the earth. And He’s been preparing you for this moment since the day you were born.
You might feel overwhelmed and unqualified, and that’s understandable. You need to approach fatherhood with respect and humility. But you also need to know that God placed your son or daughter in your family because He knows you are the best father that child can have.
God doesn’t make mistakes. Personally, I found a lot of comfort in that truth as I was raising my kids. I still do.
And you can too.
Related Questions
How do you deal with tiredness?
It seems obvious, but get some rest when you can. Give yourself permission to take a nap or just rest your eyes for a minute during the day. Beyond that, try to increase your energy by taking walks or finding some other exercise that fits your new reality.
What is a prayer I can say for my kid?
A former pastor of mine used a blessing for children and teens that works well for this: “Be wise, be strong, be pure.” You can adapt that into a prayer for your own son or daughter and continue praying it over them long after the first year has passed.
What books should I read as a new father?
Two classics for boy dads are Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys by Stephen James and David Thomas and Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis. Two great options for daughter dads include Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeker and All You Need to Know about Raising Girls by Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff.
Are there Christian picture books for babies?
Yes, during the first year, your child is going to start seeing and recognizing colors and images, so don’t hesitate to read to them. You might try the Read to Me Toddlers Bible or My Good Night Bible. You can read these to your kids, and one day, they can start reading them to you!
