This is the second post in a four-part series, Seeds Planted: Helpful Metaphors for Fathers. This post focuses on the metaphor called the “Edge of the Ledge”, which will help us dads teach our kids healthy boundaries. As fathers, we can use these four metaphors to convey ideas to our children that will be well received and easily recalled.

House rules

As we begin, consider the “house rules” you have as a family and how those are conveyed to your children. Along those lines, do your kids ever wonder about them? Do they ask questions such as:

  • How far from home can I wander?
  • Am I allowed on the internet while home alone?
  • What’s the latest I can stay out?
  • How much physical contact can I have with my girlfriend?
  • How much bad language (or sex, violence, etc.) is “too much” for a movie?

I bet if you’re a father who’s engaged in the lives of your children, you’ve heard questions like these. When our kids ask these questions, they’re not only looking for these specific answers.

In a more general sense, they’re trying to find the boundaries. They’re exploring “permission territory” and seeing where the property lines are. How far can I go? Is there an electrified fence along the edges?

This is understandable. Our kids are curious about the rules. And, either they want to obey them or find a work-around. Regardless, they need to know.

But, this just reveals our human nature to push the boundaries. We don’t want to see the demarcation line, we want to race past it and feel the wind in our hair as we do. When our enemy promises thrills aplenty beyond that tree line, and we want to see what’s out there. Did God really say not to eat the fruit of that tree?

Edge of the Ledge: What to say to teach your kids healthy boundaries

After I answer their question (usually with something that rhymes with “NO!”), I dive into a metaphor like this:

“Imagine you’re hiking on a three-foot-wide trail along the side of a mountain. There’s no guardrail. If you fall off, you careen to your death. Where should you position yourself? Right on the very edge of the ledge where the dirt is loose and danger lurks? Or, do you hug the mountain to stay as far from the edge as possible?”

This leads us to a healthy conversation about sin, danger, and going too far. I often go one step further and suggest they can even get off the dangerous trail entirely and go “farther inland.” Walking on the edge (at all) in most cases is a choice. So why be in a car alone with a cute girl, after dark, with time to kill? Why take the iPad into your room? Why be satisfied with three plugs for family friendliness?

Our tendencies

Let’s help our boys (and girls) realize a few things:

  • They tend to “seek the edge” (self-determination, pride, rebellion) (Rom 7:21-25)
  • Almost always, they can move away from the ledge (they have choices, and pre-planning trumps in-the-moment resistance) (2 Tim 2:20-26)
  • Their heart must be trained to seek and enjoy the peace and tranquility of not living on sin’s doorstep (God’s promises guard us, they don’t rob us of fun) (Phil 4:6-9)

When the next time your son or daughter asks you about the boundaries, talk to them about the edge of the ledge. This powerful visualization can help teach your kids healthy boundaries and can help them spot danger way before they step onto sin’s slippery slope.

So, if you missed the first post in this series, read it here: Seeds Planted: Helpful Metaphors For Fathers Blog Series #1: Relational Stew.

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