One of the greatest challenges in a man’s life is defining his role of as a father. And, to be honest, our sources for instruction and inspiration can feel limited.
Of course, our culture has its ideas, and those voices scream at us. Meanwhile, the temptation to rule with an iron fist or to passively withdraw is all too real for a lot of guys. Plus, the lack of fatherly role models makes the task even more confusing for many men.
But, as Christ followers, our heavenly Father has given us His Word. For us, the Bible serves as the fire behind the smoke other sources might create. It reveals His ideas about the role of a father.
Who are the “fathers”?
It’s easy to think the role of a father is reserved for biological dads. And, make no mistake, those men are important. Absentee fatherhood can have a devastating impact on kids, so a dad who walks with his children throughout their lives can make a huge difference.
But as vital as biological dads can be, they are not the only father figures for many kids. Stepfathers fill a void left by death or divorce. And men like coaches, teachers, church leaders, and family friends may take on a fatherly role when needed.
For example, one of my sons has a friend who calls me “dad” every time he sees me—and his biological father appreciates that. Likewise, my daughter has a group of friends known as my “adopted daughters.” For many years, they have been like sisters to her, so they have grown to become like daughters to me. Again, their biological dads aren’t offended. If anything, they appreciate the support I’ve given them and their girls over the years.
I also have a group of college guys I affectionately call “the boys.” I’ve been a mentor for them since they were in high school. They know they can count on me, and their parents have encouraged me to continue investing in their lives as they make the transition from student ministry to college to life as young adults.
So, like me, you may have the chance to pour into the lives of other “sons and daughters” who need what you have to offer. Along with being a biological dad, that’s an important part of embracing the role of a father.
Seven qualities of a biblical father
So, whether you’re guiding your own biological kid or taking on a fatherhood role with someone else, it’s important to understand what the Scriptures have to say about the role of fathers. In the list below, I’ve noted seven qualities that the Bible highlights when it comes to fatherhood.
Most likely, you’ll be better at some of these than others. That’s all right. The key is understanding the “job description” of a dad from God’s perspective and asking Him to help you grow in the role of father.
1) Spiritual leader.
Perhaps your most important job as a dad is pointing your kids toward a personal relationship with God through Jesus. In Deuteronomy 6, Moses emphasized the importance of parents, especially dads, in answering spiritual questions and providing spiritual guidance.
That may seem intimidating, but remember this: You don’t need all the right answers or a ton of theological training. You just need to follow Christ with a passion. If you do that, He will help your talk match your walk.
2) Loving husband.
I’ve heard it said that the greatest thing a father can do for his kids is to love his wife. In Ephesians 5, Paul reminded his readers that part of their role as a father is loving their wives like Jesus loves the church. That underscores just how seriously God takes this question.
Of course, many divorced men struggle in their relationships with their ex-wives. In those cases, do what you can to show respect. And, if you’re filling a fatherhood role as a non-family member, always encourage the kids to show similar respect for their biological parents.
3) Encourager.
It’s amazing how powerful words can be. Even the slightest slip of the tongue can cause doubts and pain in a child’s life. In contrast, your role as a dad means that you serve as your kids’ greatest cheerleader.
Passages like Ephesians 6:4 and Proverbs 22:6 remind us that when we encourage kids to be their best, they will respond. When you have their backs, your kids will feel secure and will find it easier to move toward becoming the people God created them to be. So, make sure “encourager” is an intentional part of your role as a father.
4) Role Model.
The kings of ancient Israel were defined by their relationship with God. Those who followed God were good, while those who rejected God were evil. But they were also defined by how closely they followed the example set by the greatest king in Israel’s history: King David.
David was the role model for every king who followed him— especially in Judah, where all the kings were his descendants. In your role as a father, you provide the model for your children. If you follow God, it’s more likely that they will follow God. If you live with integrity, they will probably live with integrity. If you are the husband God calls you to be, your sons will see what kind of men they should become, and your daughters will know what kind of me to seek in their dating and marriage relationships.
5) Dreamer.
Most dads have dreams for their kids. While you don’t want to live vicariously, you do want them to realize their potential and live the life God has planned for them. Thankfully, that kind of healthy dreaming is a completely appropriate part of the fatherly role.
In Psalm 127:3-5, the writer focused on the blessing of children. He pointed out that kids are created to be arrows that fly straight. The psalmist also mentioned his desire to see his children stand strong as a leader who have no reason to back down when facing opposition. Those are solid dreams, the kind of dreams fueled by the prayers of a man who takes his role of father seriously.
6) Mentor.
We’ve touched on this with some of the other qualities (see Deuteronomy 6 and Proverbs 22:6), but it’s impossible to overstate the importance of your role as a mentor. In fact, the older your children get, the more important that becomes.
Let’s be honest, as kids reach their teen years and start moving toward adulthood, your role as a dad changes. That’s natural, and that’s healthy. You shift from being the one who tells them what to do to the one who offers advice and wisdom. That’s part of what mentors do, and it’s a big part of what fathers do.
7) Provider.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but Paul thought it was important enough to mention in his first letter to Timothy. He told his spiritual “son” that a believer who doesn’t provide for his family is worse than a pagan (1 Timothy 5:8). Those are pretty strong words about the role of a father.
Of course, Paul was talking primarily about financial provision, and that’s important. You need to show them that God is the ultimate Provider. But it’s really not much of a stretch to include things like encouragement (see above) and security. Your role as a dad means providing everything your family needs.
Embrace Your Role as a father
As you think about these seven biblical qualities that help define the role of a father, I want to encourage you to do three more things. First, evaluate yourself in each of these areas. Prayerfully examine your strengths and weaknesses—then ask God how you can nurture the areas where you’re doing well and jumpstart your areas of struggle.
Second, dig into Scripture to find even more ways to grow in your role as a father. Honestly, these seven qualities just scratch the surface. God has so much more to teach you through His Word. Discover what else He has to say.
Finally, look for resources that will help you grow as a man and as a father. Reading articles like this is a great start. You could also listen to encouraging podcasts, like the Father on Purpose Podcast produced by Manhood Journey.
Fatherhood is a big deal. As I said earlier, it’s one of your greatest challenges as a man. But it’s also one of your greatest privileges. For the sake of your family, don’t leave anything on the court. Give it all you’ve got. Be the dad God created you to be by embracing your role as a father.
Not sure where you’re headed as a Godly Father? Take the Godly Father Assessment to see now.
