In this post we look at how to remove doubt and 2 faulty fixes to avoid. Whatever standard you’ve used to make yourself Father of the Year, you’ve probably fallen short. But don’t wallow in a pool of regret and self-pity; climb out and make things right. After all, you’re a man. You’re a dad. And what do dads do? We fix things!
In case you need a refresher, I previously wrote about Removing Doubt: why our expectations are wrong and how to fix them and Manhood Journey created several Field Guides to help you with other topics you may struggle with.
Now, if you ever watched Home Improvement, you know there’s a right way to fix things and there’s Tim Taylor’s way to fix things. If you’ve ever tried to fix something with nothing more than duct tape, you know that sometimes you can make matters worse. Recovering from our mistakes and regrets certainly takes more than WD-40 and duct tape.
Let me point to two “fixes” we need to avoid.
1. The comparison test.
To wake up one morning and say, “I’m going to start being more like________” will end with you going to bed at night feeling like a failure. We’ve already seen the fallacy of placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and the comparison test is simply creating another expectation with someone else’s face on it.
It’s good to have a role model. It’s even better to have a role model who will walk alongside you, challenge you, pray with you, encourage you and occasionally give you a spiritual kick in the pants when you need it. But don’t look at someone from a distance and hold them up as the poster boy for Perfect Parenting.
You’ve created another false standard you can’t meet.
Social media fuels the comparison test. Multiple studies in Forbes and