If I took a $100 bill, crumbled it in my hand, and tried to shove it at people, no one would take it. Even if valuable, I can deliver something in a way that isn’t received well. I’m convicted by Proverbs 25:11-12. Here are 3 questions before uttering your next word. #1 What will I say? A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (Prov. 25:11). Words can build up or tear down. The well-chosen word should give encouragement/comfort/guidance. Don’t pick ten things to discuss when one’s enough. Ask for God’s wisdom on what to say and what not to say. #2 When will I say it? Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear (Prov. 25:12). You can say the right thing at the wrong time. Is it a good time (for the hearer)? Did your son say he felt overwhelmed? Maybe not the time to chime, “If your room wasn’t so messy, you wouldn’t feel overwhelmed.” Even the right musical note played at the wrong time, well, let’s leave jazz to the real musicians. The well-timed word is custom fit to the hearer, like custom jewelry. #3 How will I say it? With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone (Prov. 25:15). You can say the right words at the right time, but if you say them harshly, you just sound mean/critical. The well-toned word is gentle. They tell me gentleness is a fruit of the spirit.

HOW TO DISCIPLE YOUR FAMILY: Research tells us that most men find their purpose and identity through their careers. Yet, the most important job a man will ever take on is accepting the responsibilities of a husband and dad. For Christ followers, those responsibilities include spiritual matters as well as financial and relational issues. You are called to disciple your family, to point them toward Jesus. It’s a God-sized task, but you can do it. This article will help you on your journey.

FINDING THE PERFECT FIT WITH YOUR WORDS: As dads, we have the power to lift our kids to unbelievable heights or tear them down with devastating results. The key is what we say and how we say it. Words mean things, so we have to be intentional about guarding what comes out of our mouths. We’ll dig into what Proverbs 25 has to say about the force our words carry in the lives of our kids and look for practical ideas that will help us speak life as fathers.

“Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” —Winston Churchill

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” —Mother Teresa

“Don’t worry about having the right words; worry more about having the right heart. It’s not eloquence he seeks, just honesty.” —Max Lucado

Hold your ears. Grown-ups need to talk. Maybe you didn’t hear good communication modeled at your house growing up. Scripture doesn’t let you off the hook on being gentle based on you’re wiring/personality/enneagram/animal-type/whatever. The well-chosen, well-timed, and well-toned word can break a bone. FYI: Bone is the most rigid part of a person. Your words can break down the deepest/hardest part of the body. Your words can cut to the heart and change things forever. Tread gently. Ask God for help in noticing your words/timing/tone. If you can be gentle with your words, you’ll have more influence on your family.

Kent Evans
Author of Bring Your Hammer, co-founder of Manhood Journey

P.S. Was this Mountain Monday helpful? Tell me if you love it, hate it, or if there’s something you’d like in the next one.

Forward this to a dad you know who needs some encouragement.