Masculine humility – what does it look like and how can it be effective when we learn how to talk about our past mistakes? There was a specific conversation my dad had with me when I became a teenager. He didn’t say much, just a sentence, actually. But that single sentence has shaped my actions and identity of purity more than anything else.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. —Proverbs 22:6
While we were driving, he brought up the sex topic. We’d had a few conversations over the years, so I wasn’t completely in the dark. Though nothing could have prepared me for what he was about to say. In a cracked yet confident voice he said, “Shane, I didn’t wait for your mother. That has been one of my greatest regrets.”
A Unique Example
My folks have a wonderful marriage, they just celebrated 38 years! They lived out purity until they were married, but before my dad met my mom, he lived loose. What I received on the day he said those words to me was an example of masculinity that is still shaping my life today.
By definition, men are masculine. It isn’t so much if you’re being masculine, but how you’re being masculine. So how does masculinity work with parenting and purity?
Parenting and Purity
Children don’t need their parents to be perfect, they need their parents to be authoritatively-relational. As a man, you are designed to protect, but that does not mean you are designed to be distant.
Parents often posture themselves in two distinct ways. One, they try to be their kid’s best friend, but this often prevents children from learning lasting values from their parents. And on the other hand, parents will work hard to give values to their children by being authority figures. But this posture of authority can easily create a relational distance between children and their parents.
So, what’s the solution? It is possible to offer your children the value of relationship while also being a reliable authority. How?
The example my dad gave me was a masculinity of humility. My father was being authoritative and vulnerab