Discipline is easy as long as we’re talking about someone else. Our quarterback would be a lot more mobile if he’d drop some weight. Our kids would make better grades if they’d simply study more. These blogs would be better if Eric would just write better. It’s that pesky little “self” at the beginning of “self-discipline” that can become a pain.
But why do I need self-discipline? Don’t we have freedom in Christ?
Well, Dr. Theology, good question (and I like your Biblical-rationalizing skills), but it has been asked before. Here’s how Paul answered it, “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:23-24). Self-discipline helps us care for ourselves in a way that is good for others.
When you break self-discipline down to its simplest form, it’s knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” It’s the ability to control your actions regardless of feelings. Therefore, what actions need more control in your life?
Ask yourself these 6 questions to become more self-disciplined:
What do I want? We gotta start with goals, man. There are areas in our lives that we would like to improve. Pick one, just one for now, and set a goal. Then, make sure that the target is clear and specific. I want to be a better dad. Cool, but pretty generic. How do you want to be a better dad? You may want to stop yelling at your kids so much. Or, you want to spend more time with the kids and want to have more energy to be present with your family. Now we have some goals.
Why do I want this? Our best motivational resource to achieving our goal will be our “why.” The “why” we do what we do will keep us from drifting off course when we don’t feel like doing it. So, why do we want to spend more time with our kids? I want to know them and for them to know me. I want them to know I care and that they know they can come to me with anything and I’ll be there. All these whys will push us to keep moving forward.
It comes down to the effort you put forth.
What’s going to try and stop me? Being disciplined means, we need to be aware of our obstacles and weaknesses. The reason we haven’t already achieved whatever goal we’re after is that things get in the way. I have trouble engaging with my family after work because I’m exhausted. Knowing the obstacle can help us plan ahead. In this example, going to bed a little early might help. Or maybe we tell Josh to shut his mouth when he keeps going on and on in the meeting about quarterly reports so we can get home on time.
What’s gotta go? Bad habits can lead us down some rough roads. To reach our goals, we need to replace our old habits with new ones. If we want to spend more time with our kids but tend to come home from work, hit the recliner, and turn on the T.V.—that’s an old habit that needs to be replaced. Instead of watching T.V., I’m going to play my kid’s favorite game, help them with homework, share a snack, or take a walk with them. Do this over and over again, and it becomes a habit. Self-discipline works like muscles. So, the more you exercise them, the stronger they become.
Who can help me? Tell a friend about your goals. Having someone to keep us accountable pushes us closer to those goals. Plus, it also helps us monitor our progress—we can bounce ideas off of them, get advice, and track how we’re doing.
How do I get back on the horse? It won’t all be forward progress. We are going to have setbacks. That’s okay, but don’t let it be an excuse to give up. When we veer off course, let’s quickly find our way back.
Self-discipline can be a challenging pursuit.
Dads, your improvements will, in turn, lead to family improvements. So, let’s start strengthening the family by strengthening ourselves.
