In the movies, the hero always defuses the bomb just in the nick of time. Unfortunately, the wires that lead to pent up anger don’t always get cut before the explosion rocks your life.
On the surface, pushing down your anger or trying to ignore it might seem like the best course of action. But “out of sight, out of mind” is never a healthy approach to dealing with pent up anger. Wise men learn to deal with anger in ways that protect their own hearts and ensure the security of those who mean the most to them.
Name It!
The key to dealing with anger, including pent up anger, is to know where it comes from. That requires some serious self-reflection and no small amount of humility and transparency. Let’s face it . . . none of us like to admit we have faults or weaknesses. That’s just human nature. But you’ll never be able to deal with anger if you live in denial.
The old cliché states that sunlight is the best disinfectant. When dealing with pent up anger, sunlight is being honest about what’s bugging you. You have to determine the cause of your anger and commit to dealing with it. That might mean coming clean before God, asking forgiveness from others, or seeking professional help.
Whatever it takes, you’ve got to name it if you’re going to deal with it.
Start Releasing Pent-Up Anger in 6 Steps
I have a soft spot for old episodes of “The Andy Griffith Show.” Even though they debuted some six decades ago, the messages about fatherhood and friendship are timeless and on target. And while Andy is the true wise man, his high-strung deputy, Barney Fife, often comes through with a gem worth remembering.
Like when he encourages people to “Nip it in the bud!” In other words, the best way to avoid dealing with a big problem is to cut it off at the roots while it’s still a small problem. That’s great advice for a lot of things in life . . . including handling pent up anger.
If you can figure out how to stop your anger in its tracks while it’s still “in the bud,” you can save yourself some heartache and frustration down the road. Here are six ideas for managing your anger before it reaches a boiling point.
1. Remove yourself from the situation.
Obviously, the best way to deal with pent-up anger is to avoid the problem altogether. But we all know that’s not always possible. When you’re facing a situation where anger starts to rise, the next best thing is to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Again, understanding your triggers can be a huge help in this situation.
2. Exercise and breathe.
Hanging onto anger has a negative impact on your physical and mental health. It raises your heart rate and your blood pressure. It creates stress and leads to anxiety. In contrast, finding ways to exercise can help you release the tension. It raises your heart rate and blood pressure in healthier ways. Along the same lines, taking time to breathe and decompress can calm your spirit and help you think more clearly—both of which are keys to resolving pent up anger.
Renew your mind.
In his letter to the Romans, the apostle Paul challenged his readers to avoid letting the world shape their attitudes and values. Instead, he urged them to let God renew their minds through His Word. This is an important principle in so many areas of life, including dealing with pent-up anger. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, meditating on Scripture reminds you of what God says about you and how He wants you to handle the heat rising in your heart and mind.
Write it down.
History tells us that Abraham Lincoln had a unique way of dealing with anger. When one of his cabinet members or a general in the field made him mad, he would write a scathing letter in which he poured out the full measure of his wrath. Then, he would throw it into a filing cabinet and never pull it out again. Writing helps you process thoughts that you can’t (or maybe shouldn’t) say out loud. It provides a creative way to release pent-up anger and move forward.
Take responsibility for you.
This takes some intentional effort on your part, along with humility and transparency. You have to develop enough self-discipline to evaluate yourself honestly and determine the role you played in the conflict that led to your pent-up anger. In some situations, you honestly might be the victim. Many times, though, you can see where you missed the mark and can take steps toward reconciling.
Rest.
Exhaustion multiplies anger exponentially. We jokingly talk about becoming “hangry” when we’re hungry, but the same principles apply to times when you’re simply worn out. Burning the candle at both ends is a lose-lose situation. A good night’s sleep (or even a short power nap) really can work wonders and help you navigate your anger more effectively.
Follow the Father
God is a God of peace. More than just being a part of His character, it’s who He is. You cannot separate God from peace. That’s why Jesus has been called the Prince of peace, and why peace is listed within the fruit of the Spirit. We can’t know peace without Him.
So, our peace depends on our relationship with God. As we draw closer to Him, we can surrender our pent-up anger to Him and allow Him to replace it with His peace. We start living out His plan and becoming men who reflect His image.
If you’re dealing with anger in your life, you’re not alone. And you’re not without hope. You have a God who can untangle the knots in your heart and life. He can give you the calm you long to know. Trust Him for healing and to bring peace in your life.
