The most significant job you’ll ever take on in your home has nothing to do with cleaning a gutter, trimming a tree, or fixing a leaky pipe. It’s learning how to disciple your family.

A lot of men joke about having a “honey-do” list of projects around their homes. And don’t get me wrong, those are really important.

If you’re a Christ follower, you believe God never makes mistakes. He’s in control, and His character demands that everything He does is grounded in love and in what’s best for us. Yet, we still struggle to understand that the God who never drops the ball has placed our wives and our kids in our lives for a purpose.

Truth is, He knew exactly what He was doing—and He knows that we are the perfect ones to disciple our families. 

“And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching that the Christ is Jesus.”

Acts 5:42

Five keys to disciple your family

Let’s be honest: Learning how to disciple your family can be a scary proposition. Taking responsibility for anyone’s spiritual development is a monumental task; but when it comes to the people closest to us, we really don’t want to mess things up. 

That concern is understandable. And, in a sense, it’s healthy because discipling your family is not a job you can take lightly. It’s a sacred task that requires your complete attention and focus. 

Thankfully, you don’t have to go it alone. When God calls you to a task, He has promised to equip you for success. The same is true for discipling your family. As you trust in and put God first, He will guide your steps.

With that in mind, here are five principles you need to embrace as you figure out how to disciple your family. These are critical keys—along with God’s help—to making family discipleship work under your roof. 

1. Accept the responsibility.

The Bible makes it clear that you are the primary spiritual leader of your home. That makes you the primary spiritual mentor for your wife and kids. Others, like Bible study leaders and pastors at church, may speak into the spiritual lives of your family members, but these outside influences should simply be reinforcing the foundation you’ve already laid at home as a husband and dad.

2. Be intentional in family discipleship.

Discipleship never happens by accident. You don’t just wander into spiritual maturity. That’s true for you and for your family. As the spiritual leader at home, you’ve got to make discipleship a priority. Otherwise, it just won’t happen. You’ve got to be intentional.

3. Take advantage of every opportunity.

As you’re thinking about how to disciple your family, focus on both set times of discipleship and teachable moments. The former includes things like family devotions and taking the family to church. It includes praying together and talking about God at meals on a regular basis. The latter involves those unexpected situations that pop up, the “God moments” when a door opens for spiritual conversations. Whether it’s a one-on-one opportunity or a group discussion, look for ways to pour God into your family members.

4. Be present.

Learning how to disciple your family means understanding who they are and what they’re feeling—and that requires time. The time you spend with your wife and kids is the greatest investment you will ever make in their lives. It’s a powerful tool for your family discipleship toolbox. Spending time demonstrates love and concern. It nurtures fun and fellowship. More than anything, it gives you the right to speak truth into the lives of your wife and children.

5. Never give up.

Here’s something you need to remember: Just because your kids are grown doesn’t mean you stop being a father. And just because you’ve been married for a while doesn’t mean you stop investing in your wife’s spiritual growth. Learning how to disciple your family means accepting a lifelong calling. Sure, the nature of your relationship with both your spouse and your kids will change over time, but you never stop being a “family discipler.” Your responsibility as the spiritual leader of your family only ends when you stop breathing and your heart stops beating.

You’re perfectly imperfect for the job

Even after reflecting on these five keys to discipling your family, you still may be questioning whether you’re up for the challenge. You see your own imperfections, and you know your wife and kids see them too. You might be thinking there is no way you’ll ever learn how to disciple your family.

Well, it’s true that you’re not perfect. None of us are. But you have to remember that you are perfect for this job. As I mentioned earlier, God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought your wife and your kids into your life. With His help, you can offer them something no one else can provide.

And, to be honest, your family doesn’t expect perfection, but they will appreciate you taking the time to invest in their lives. Your love and devotion to them and to God is what will make the biggest impact. If you lead well, they will follow. 

Despite your failures, they will see Jesus in you—and that’s what matters.