Angry enough to die: why knowing how to control anger issues matters more than you think

Knowing how to control your anger issues matters more than you think. Many dads struggle with anger. Dads explain their biggest challenge is:

“Speaking without yelling.”

“Keeping my cool with the kids. They can’t seem to stop pushing the boundaries!”

“Not in control of my emotion when my children don’t obey what I told them to do/not to do.”

If you struggle with anger, it’s time to submit your anger issues to someone who can handle it.

Don’t be angry enough to die like Jonah!

There is this important (and arguably funny) moment at the end of the Book of Jonah. God is helping Jonah process his distorted affections and, in an effort to show him the ridiculous condition of his heart, God causes a worm to eat a plant that was giving Jonah shade. I know, it’s ridiculous, but it gets better. Look at Jonah’s response.

But God said to Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry for the plant?” And he said, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” —Jonah 4:9

The Book of Jonah is one man’s story of fear and anger. The source is Jonah’s unwillingness for God to be in control over his life, his vocation, his calling, and his comfort. 

As the book comes to an end, Jonah would rather die than submit to the reality that God is sovereign. Jonah’s story is a mirror of my life and yours.

Often, like Jonah, we feel deeply angry. Maybe not angry enough to die, but angry enough to yell at our kids or snap at our wives. As we source our anger, what comes to the surface are those core things in our lives that need to be submitted to Christ. 

Submitting your anger to Jesus begins with a confession that we would much rather take care of things on our own. Submitting your anger is taking it to the only one who can do anything about it.

Submitting your anger is asking Jesus to bring life where we are only producing death.

Ways To Know How To Control Anger

Start at the source.

Maybe you’ve identified some physiological sources of how to deal with anger. Submitting your anger here is recognizing you are creation—not creator. He has created you to walk in dependence and steward your body as His good gift to you. This is often difficult, but what you struggle to do, Jesus has done perfectly. Paul writes

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. —Philippians 2:5-8

Jesus humbled Himself so that in His life, death, and resurrection, His record might be counted as ours and we might be empowered to follow in His steps. 

Get to the heart. 

For most of us, the problem of anger is deeper, and the cost of submission is greater than what could be sourced on the surface. 

We would rather feel the illusion of our control than surrender to the sovereign hand of God over our lives. 

We would rather pretend we have the power to enact change than submit to our Savior who has shown power over death through His resurrection. 

We have an appetite for lessor comforts rather than receiving the care of the Comforter. 

We are afraid — but know nothing of the fear of God. 

We are angry. Angry enough to die. 

I love the story in John 11 as we see Jesus doing something we fail to do over and over. Jesus feels outraged at the reality of sin and death reigning in the lives of His friends. But, when He responds life, not death, is the result. 

This is what Jesus wants to do with these sources of anger as we submit them to Him. We should come with an honest confession that we are powerless where only He can be powerful. The same Jesus who expressed His authority over death for His friend has authority over your disordered heart and your sinful responses. 

I love how the apostle Paul says it in Romans

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. —Romans 1:16

The good news of Jesus is powerful enough for your anger problem. And, applying that gospel to the sources of your anger is an honest confession to Him that you need a new heart to surrender to His control.

You need to rest in His power and trust that His comfort is better. It is asking for courage when your faith is failing. 

All of us hate to feel out of control, weak, and uncomfortable, but when we come to a place of submitting our anger to Jesus, the promise He has given us is the power for real transformation — that the things we feel most deeply about rests in His work alone. 

I mentioned my late-night frustration in a previous post about seeing the signs of anger. My kids still yell for me every night after I put them to bed. 

Sometimes, it still produces in my emotions that feel deep and strong. I get angry at being disturbed and robbed of comfort, but I am learning what to do with those feelings. 

I’m learning to gaze at my Heavenly Father and submit to His loving leadership, shown clearly in the gift of His Son. As I do, I’m learning to reflect that love to my kids, to correct with gentleness, look for moments of laughter, and point them to Jesus, who has loved them better than I could dream. 

How you deal with anger points to what matters in your life. As you take your anger to Jesus, this is the work I know He will do in you. He is the antidote. There is no other. 

Jesus is the antidote. There is no other.

Questions: What would you have to give up if you submitted your anger to Jesus? Are you willing to give that up?

More resources for how to control anger.