As guys, we are fighting a constant battle in our culture. Some call it a battle between strong men and weak men. In reality, it’s a battle against passivity. And Christian men are not immune to the struggle.

What passivity looks like

In chemistry, scientists talk about “passivity” as a state of inactivity. That definition works for men as well. Passivity takes root when guys become inactive, when they allow others to fulfill the roles and responsibilities they should be managing. 

The Bible is clear that men have roles as husbands and as fathers. Husbands are called to love their wives like Jesus loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-26). Since Eden, husbands and wives are called to a partnership (Genesis 2:20-25). As a man, I’m called to work with my spouse to solve the problems of life and to encourage her to become more like Jesus as a sister in Christ. As a dad, I’m called to disciple my kids and to raise them up to become adults who love Jesus and follow Him with all their hearts (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

If I choose the path of passivity, I am short-circuiting God’s design for my life and for their lives. That makes passivity a dangerous issue for Christian men.

How passivity impacts our lives

For Christian guys, passivity can take a lot of forms, but none of them end well. It causes damage to our relationships and puts added stress on those around us. Think of it in terms of a tug-of-war. If you’re the anchor on the rope, you can’t just let go and walk away. If you do, everyone depending on you will end up in the mud. 

In our culture, too many guys are letting go of the rope. They’ve decided to stand on the sidelines and become spectators. Here’s how that plays out in your life and in the lives of those around you.

Passivity affects your wife.

When Christian men refuse to step up to their responsibilities as husbands, someone has to take up the slack. In marriage, the “someone” will be your wife. That’s not a good thing.

As mentioned, God designed marriage to work as a partnership. You are made to help one another, to fill in the gaps for each other. But passivity will force your spouse to operate outside her strengths. It’s one thing to get her feedback before taking action. It’s something else—something dangerous—to abdicate your responsibilities and let her carry that extra burden.

Passivity affects your kids.

One big difference between strong men and weak men is the example they set for their children. Our kids are watching us whether we realize it or not. They are trying to learn what it means to be an adult, and they are going to take their cues from us.

That means we’re building a legacy. And if we’re being passive as husbands and fathers, one of two things is going to happen. In some cases, our kids (especially our sons) will imitate the pattern they see in us. They will become passive men. In other cases, the pendulum will swing in the other direction. Their attempts to reject passivity will lead them to become controlling. 

Neither is healthy because neither aligns with God’s plan for their lives. 

Passivity affects you.

As we’ve already seen, passivity is not God’s plan for men. And, like anything else in life, when you step outside God’s plan, you’re going to be miserable. Passivity robs men of contentment and satisfaction. We never get to experience the joy of accomplishment because we’re sitting back and watching life pass us by.

And, while passivity might seem like the path of least resistance, it’s no cure. If you’re conflict averse like me, it seems like the best way to avoid tension and chaos in marriage and in parenthood. In reality, passivity doesn’t solve problems. It just leaves the conflicts unresolved, which can lead to bigger problems down the road. Better to learn to manage the problems honestly in the moment than to push them down emotionally or let them fester into frustration.

Passivity affects your walk with God.

Simply put, passivity is a sin for Christian men. And, like every sin, it disrupts our relationship with God. It makes it harder to communicate with Him through Bible study and prayer. And it makes it harder for us to discern His will for our lives.

Without those vital lifelines, we can’t enjoy the abundant life He designed for us (John 10:10). And, as we’ve seen, that creates problems in our most important human relationships. Best to learn how to reject passivity and become the men God created us to be.

What it looks like to reject passivity

If you’ve been foundering in passivity, today is the day to turn over a new leaf. But what can you do to make that happen? First, you need to know what rejecting passivity does not mean for Christian men. It’s not aggression or becoming “macho.”

Fact is, God created you in His image (Genesis 1:27), but He also created you with a particular personality. For some guys, that’s the outgoing, strong personality that so many associate with “manly” pursuits. But for others, God has wired you to be more reflective and introverted. 

In reality, this really isn’t a distinction between strong men and weak men because both personalities are instilled by God, and both can fall into the trap of passivity. “Aggressive” personalities can confuse activity with action. Meanwhile, quieter personalities can use their laid back attitudes as an excuse to “delegate” responsibilities.

The key is to fulfill your responsibilities as a husband and father by leaning into the strengths and gifts God has given you. Rejecting passivity will look different for each man, but the impact will be significant. You will be making a difference in your life, as well as the lives of your wife and kids because you will be living life by God’s design.