How to be a Father Who is Intentional with His Kids

Any other dads out there wondering how to be a father that finds time to invest his son? I don’t know about you… Wait. Yes, I do. I’ve talked with dozens, maybe hundreds of “you” in the last couple years. Here’s what I know:

• You’re busy. Really busy. You’re so busy, you have an official F.B.I. badge in your wallet (“Fatherhood’s Busiest Individual”). I mean, you’re sooo busy, you didn’t even have time to fill out an NCAA tourney bracket this year. Oh, wait…
• You have tons of things to manage – wife, work, family, volunteering, the occasional televised sports event.
• You really want to be an intentional dad, investing in your sons and daughters.
• But, you’re so busy (see above), you struggle to find the time.

Am I close?

I’m right there with you. I can often find myself investing time in so many areas that I don’t always prioritize important things like time in God’s word, date nights with my wife, and intentional relational investment in my boys.

I remember Steve Farrar’s book Point Man. It had a significant impact on me. Right book + right season of life.

One thing he shared was the fallacy of “quality” time, an idea that was all the rage. He challenged it in terms of raising godly sons, suggesting that we couldn’t really manufacture quality time. Rather, quality time popped up in the middle of quantity time. Usually when we least expected it.

Culled from his suggestions, ideas from other dads, and my own experiences, here are a handful of ways you can generate quantity time with your kids. Maybe one will be a good place for you to intentionally invest in your relationship with your children.

• Run errands – take one of your kids on the milk run, strike up a conversation about something random and fun
• Serve others – if you visit the elderly in nursing homes or hand out water at the local cross country meet, take your children to serve alongside you
• Get away – you can take short road trips or overnighters – our Project: MANHOOD Father & Son retreat is one example (for you Louisville locals) – we’ll spend 24 straight hours together with our sons, having a blast and digging through God’s word
• Coach a team – every Fall, I coach at least one of my boys in soccer at our church – partly because I love the sport, mostly because it’s ten straight weeks of fun time together (except when they’re launching errant shots way over the goal! Head down!)
• Join a group – maybe you want to join a group or club that you both find interesting and fun – I highly recommend Trail Life Troops

You probably have your own list. The point isn’t whether our lists match, but that as Fathers, we are finding quantity time to spend with our kids.

I know this can be a challenge. Like you, I’m a busy guy. However, we must get ruthless about setting our own schedules. If we don’t, the world will do it for us.