Wildfires burn thousands of acres and leave devastation in their paths. In the same way, angry fathers can tear through a family, creating pain, confusion, and chaos. Worst of all, unlike most wildfires, angry dads can repeat the cycle and cause damage to the same people time and again.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to become a victim of the angry dad cycle. You can become a better version of yourself and make a difference in your family that will transform today and the future. You just need to know what to look for and how to respond.

God’s Word is the way to patience and guidance in your life as a father and husband. Explore our YouVersion reading plans and let Scripture transform you.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”

James 1:19

Checking the right boxes

If you’re a “doer” in life, few things are more satisfying that checking things off a list you’ve made. Scratching through the items or checking boxes brings its own special kind of satisfaction.

If you’re trying to figure out how to stop being an angry father, you’re in for a tough battle. But it’s a battle worth fighting for your home and your family. Best of all, it’s not an impossible task. You can do it. The seven-point checklist below will help you know what to look for and how to move forward as you seek to break the angry dad cycle in your life.

The 7-Part Angry Father Checklist

Look for the signs

If you’re wondering if you’re an angry father, it’s going to show up in the home one way or another. One reliable indicator is your kids. Are they angry? If they’re showing signs like insecurity, withdrawal from you, or unexplained anger of their own, that could be a response to you and your anger. Also, if you keep apologizing for losing your cool or for saying words you regretted, you’re probably dealing with a cycle of anger that needs to be broken.

Admit the problem

Denial is a powerful force for evil in this world. Lots of people fall deeper into bondage to sin simply because they can’t—or won’t—admit that they have a problem. They make excuses or rationalize their behavior. Angry dads are no exception. Truth is, you can’t solve a problem that you’re denying. Break through the walls of deception and be courageous enough to see the issue for what it really is. Once you’ve done that, you can start taking steps toward healing.

Find some help

Everyone gets angry from time to time. We’re human, after all! But the kind of anger we’re talking about isn’t a small flare-up that hits us in a weak moment. It’s a deep-seated rage that you cannot handle on your own. You will need help to sort through the smoke and get to the real source of the fire. You might want to start with your pastor, but you also may need to talk with a professional counselor or therapist. They are trained to help you dig through the dirty laundry and identify what’s really going on with your anger. It might be tough, but your wife and kids are worth it.

Deal with the triggers

As with so many things in life, knowing why you’re an angry father is just as important—if not more important—than figuring out how you’ll turn the corner. Angry explosions are usually ignited by some kind of anger trigger. Those triggers might be the result of unresolved issues or unmet expectations. Whatever the cause, knowing them (and steering clear of them) can help you keep a level head. Again, a professional therapist can be a big help in identifying your triggers and developing a game plan for dealing with them.

Establish accountability

Sometimes, knowing we have to confess our missteps to others can keep us on the right path. Accountability can be a tremendous benefit for an angry father. For example, find a man or two you can trust to walk with you in this battle against anger. Meet with them regularly. Let them ask you the hard questions—and answer them honestly. Accept their feedback. 

Even more important, allow your wife to hold you accountable. No one on earth loves you or wants to see you overcome anger more than your spouse. This might be a tough ask for angry dads, but God has brought you and your wife together so you can navigate situations like this as a team. Let her speak into the man you want to become.

Find a release

Sometimes, dealing with anger is as simple as finding a healthier way to process your emotions. For example, taking time to exercise gives you a chance to release the tensions, frustrations, and stress that could set you off at home. You also could find a hobby that helps you relax. Best of all, you can invite your kids to join you, which makes it a win-win. You find a release, and they get to see a side of you that is the polar opposite of “angry dad.”

Turn to God

While this is the last item on the list, it’s a thread that runs throughout the process of transforming your life. That’s because you really can’t change on your own. God is the only One who can do that. So, spend time reading the Bible and praying. If you’re an angry father, see what the Bible says about anger and learn how to apply the principles of Scripture to your life. And as you hear God speak to you through His Word, talk to Him about what you’re feeling through prayer. He wants to hear from you, so don’t be afraid to have those conversations with Him. 

Be a Strong Peacemaker

God created you for a purpose. That purpose includes being an agent of peace in this world. In fact, Jesus said that peacemakers will be known as children of God (Matthew 5:9). But you can’t nurture peace at home or in the world until you experience peace in your own life. That will never happen if anger continues to dominate you.

As you think about moving away from being an angry father and moving toward becoming a better version of yourself, evaluate your relationship with God. Ask Him to help you determine if you’re really “at peace” with Him. If you’ve never given your life to Him by accepting His offer of salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus, that’s the place to start. Like in the old board games, don’t “pass go” or move any more spaces until you’ve got that settled.

If you’ve made that decision, the tips offered here can help you develop a level head. They can break the angry father cycle in your life and change your family tree forever. 

Are you ready to be the dad God called you to be? Take the Godly Father Assessment to see how you’re doing and where you can improve as a father!