What makes a good leader?

Sixteen years ago, I read a book by Henry Blackaby called Spiritual Leadership. I’ve read a lot about what makes a good leader since then. But, this book is the one I come back to most often.

Blackaby, writing about influence, says this, “…some have resorted to developing the appearance of a leader rather than developing the character of a leader…they have image but no substance.” Now, he wrote this before Facebook, Instagram or Twitter! Imagine that for a second!

In this post, I want you to see that true leadership means following. And following means sacrificing your own wants and needs, not seeking instant gratification and staying teachable.

Call it biblical leadership, servant leadership or biblical manhood. Whatever you call it, true leadership is about influence. And influence takes character.

I’ve heard it said, good leaders are good followers. We see this from Jesus’ disciples. Before they were leaders, they were followers. If you are to intentionally disciple your son, we must get this piece right.

So, what do the good followers do? Here are the three things good followers get right:

#1 They sacrifice their own wants and needs.

Jesus said to His disciples in Matthew 16:24 , “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

What’s it mean to take up your cross? Taking up your cross is exactly what godly husbands and fathers do—they understand total commitment. It means sacrificing all of your wants and needs.

What does “deny yourself” mean? It means to stop making yourself the center of your life and actions. I love how Simon Sinek writes about leaders in his book, Leaders Eat Last. Sinek points out that leaders are sacrificial in all things.

The saying fits here, “How you do anything is how you do everything.” Sinek writes:

Leaders run headfirst into the unknown
They rush toward danger
They put their own interests aside to protect us all to pull us into the future
Leaders will sooner sacrifice what is theirs to save what is ours
And they would never sacrifice what is ours to save what is theirs.

Henry Blackaby is much more compassionate than I am when he writes of leaders and influence, he calls the leader without character a “Pseudo Leader.” I think that sounds much more pastoral than saying, “Fake Leader”. : )

#2 They don’t seek instant gratification.

What is “instant gratification”? It’s getting satisfaction or rewards right away. It’s not having to wait for good things.

Jesus told His disciples a great reward was coming—in the future. Key thing to note: you probably won’t see your reward for serving God until you get to Heaven. That is the reward. We are not promised anything else. Hello! What more do we need besides “renewal of all things.”

How do we apply this today? To start, how about not asking (whether out loud or internally) “what’s in it for me?” We should serve simply because that is our responsibility. It’s not about what we get from the work. The work is the reward.

#3 They stay teachable.

My oldest daughter has always loved science and has devoured all things related to science since an early age. Given her interest, she knows a lot about science, so when the subject comes up at school, she usually knows about it before it’s taught in the classroom.

When she was in the third grade, she didn’t think she needed to attend class because she had already watched the YouTube video on that day’s subject and could rattle off some stats.

Now, of course my daughter is a science prodigy. That’s a given! She’s sharp. However, you can understand that in third grade, she had a few more things to learn about science.

How do you walk around? Sure, you might not say you know everything out loud, but do you sort of think, “I got this” when everything’s going well?

There is a humility that comes from true wisdom, no matter how many books we’ve read or how many years of service we put in, it is by God’s grace we are saved through faith. You remain teachable in all things.

We don’t serve and work to reach some pinnacle of infallibility. No, we serve, hopefully in many ways, on the last day just like our first—dependent on God.

So, if we are following Jesus and sacrificing our own wants and needs, if we don’t seek instant gratification, if we remain teachable, what are we left with?

We are left being able to tell people confidently what 1 Corinthians 11:1 says: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” Let it not be said of us, that we have image but no substance.

Want to lead your son or a group through Leading Lessons?

You can walk with through these leadership topics:

Why leaders make rules
Leaders follow first
Power > Leaders learn the art of being humbly influential
Proverbs > Leaders are continually sharpened by wisdom
Prayer > Leaders discover the mind of God
Who wants to lead? Leaders must be shepherds

Visit Leading Lessons 1 on 1 Guide or lead a group using Leading Lessons Group Guide.

Question > Which of these three things do you need the most help living out and teaching your son? You can always email me or tweet @ManhoodJourney.

Ryan Sanders is the Director of Outreach at Manhood Journey. Ryan is married to Tonia and they have two daughters and one son. He lives in Reston, Virginia, serves at McLean Bible Church and is a diehard Washington Redskins fan. Learn more about Ryan here and find him on Twitter @RyanSanders.