Fatherhood is a delicate balance of highs and lows. The job becomes even more challenging when you’re taking on parenting as a single dad.
Navigating the waters of solo parenting presents special demands and difficulties. But if this is where you’re finding yourself, take heart. Succeeding as a single dad is not an impossible dream. You can still make a difference in the life of your child.
Explore our YouVersion reading plans for dads and let Scripture transform you and your family.
“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.” Fathers take great pride in seeing their children grow in wisdom and righteousness. This verse highlights the joy that comes from witnessing the positive growth and character development of their offspring.”
Proverbs 23:24
Making the Investment
No man enters marriage or parenthood looking to become a single dad. Unfortunately, it happens. Whether through the death of a spouse or the loss of a marriage, men find themselves figuring out how to make an impact in the lives of their kids in a context they never would have imagined.
Regardless of how you got to this spot, you need to understand that being a single dad requires focus and intentionality. Too often, men throw up their hands and quit. When they disengage with a spouse, they also disengage with their kids. But regardless of what happens with the mother of your kids, you never stop being their father. They need your investments in their lives.
So, the most important rule to single fatherhood is to never give up!
Tips for a (single) dad
As noted, being a single dad carries a unique set of challenges and struggles. Fatherhood can be a rough road even in the best of times. But single fathers can feel like their walking against the wind every moment of every day.
Thankfully, you can do some things to make your life a little easier. Here are a few practical tips for thriving as a single dad.
Give yourself some grace.
As a single father, it’s tempting to think you have to get every detail just right. The problem is that none of us are perfect—but there are some things to avoid and overcome. Plus, your kids don’t expect you to be perfect—only available. So, while it’s important to evaluate yourself on a regular basis, it’s just as important to cut yourself some slack. With God’s help, do the best you can. You can’t change the past, but you can move forward into the future.
Work with your ex-spouse.
If your single parenthood is the result of a divorce, you need to work with your former wife to provide for the needs of your kids. Do your best to find common ground and to provide a united front for your children. Most importanly, always demonstrate respect toward her. After all, even though she’s not your wife anymore, she’s still your kids’ mom. Tearing her down in front of them won’t help anyone.
Work on the normal.
Whether you’re a single dad through death or divorce, your family has suffered a loss. That means your kids’ world has been turned upside down, and they are grieving. You can add a measure of security with your presence and by helping them develop a plan for the future. Make sure to intentionally love your kids along the way. New rhythms will take time and patience, but they can restore a degree of “normal” that will benefit everyone.
Find time for yourself.
Everyone needs some “me” time. That’s not being selfish. It’s being wise—as long as you keep things in proper perspective. While you must be intentional about being there for your children, you also need to be intentional about carving out time for yourself. Whether it’s a trip to the gym, a walk in the woods, or a few moments with a good book, find ways to relieve stress and simply breathe. You’ll be better for it, and your kids will appreciate it as well.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help—or accept it when it’s offered.
As guys, we like to think we’ve got it all under control. The truth is, you can’t be a single dad by yourself. You need a village. Of course, you don’t want to delegate parenthood, but you can build a network of friends and family who will support you and help when possible. In addition, help might take the form of a professional counselor or therapist. Single parenting comes with its fair share of guilt and grief, and a professional can help you work through those issues and maintain your physical, spiritual, and emotional health.
Spend a lot of time in prayer.
At first blush, talking about prayer as a dad while you’re struggling to settle in might seem trite. But the truth is, you don’t have a better tool in your fatherhood toolbelt than talking to your heavenly Father. James 1:5 reminds us that when we’re running low on wisdom and discernment, we can ask God for help. He will provide everything we need without holding anything back. He created you, and He loves you more than you can imagine. Let Him walk this journey with you.
Express unconditional love.
As mentioned, if you’re a single dad, that means your kids are likely dealing with security issues. They need to know you’ve got their back, and that comes by loving like Jesus. Admittedly, it’s not always easy—especially when they might try to pull away. But it’s vital for single dads to show unconditional love through words and actions. Learn your kids “language” and speak to them in a way that will leave them with no doubts.
You’re Not Alone
Human nature convinces us that no one has ever dealt with the problems we’re experiencing in the moment—or, at least, it hasn’t hurt them as much. Regardless of the kind of losses we endure, the temptation to withdraw and isolate becomes all too real. That leads to fear, which takes root as anger and bitterness.
It reminds me of one single parent in the Bible—Naomi in the book of Ruth. Naomi lost her husband and sons in Moab. Once she returned home, all she had was a young Moabite daughter-in-law whose loyalty was off the charts. When the other women in Bethlehem welcomed her home, she initially told them to call her Marah (“bitter”). It was only after she had time to heal in those familiar surroundings that she again began to feel God’s work in her life.
As a single dad, you might want to change your name to Marah. But you’ve got to remember that you really aren’t alone. As mentioned, you’ve got a God who cares about you and your kids. And He wants to help you succeed.
You also can find strength through your local church and through support groups for single parents. You might feel alone, but you’re not. You can do this.
Are you ready to be the dad God called you to be? Take the Godly Father Assessment to see how you’re doing and where you can improve as a father!
