Is premarital sex a biblical sin?

When it comes to premarital sex, boundaries provide freedom. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, so here’s an illustration that drove the truth home to me.

A few years ago, I was leading a Bible study for our teenagers at church. I gave each of them a sheet of paper and a pencil and asked them to draw a basketball court. Every single one of them started in the same place: the boundary lines. They could have drawn midcourt line or the free throw lane or the baskets. But each of them drew the rectangle first.

As we talked about it, they began to realize something important. The other elements of a basketball court don’t matter until you define what’s out of bounds. In fact, the rules of the game mean very little without some consistent limits. Instead of ruining the game, boundaries make the game possible.

The same is true with sex. Instead of limiting our lives, God’s boundaries actually free us to get the most out of our sexuality. That’s why the Bible says premarital sex—sex before marriage—isn’t just a bad idea. It’s a sin.

The Bible’s Perspective

According to one recent study, about 60% of parents said they were raised to think sex was a “taboo” topic. Less than half (42%) ever had a meaningful sex talk with their parents because it somehow felt off limits. Maybe the parents were uncomfortable or maybe they thought it was safer to keep kids in the dark. Whatever the case, the Bible makes it clear that sex is anything but taboo.

From the Bible’s earliest chapters, we see God creating men and women in His image (Genesis 1:27), and we see God bringing them together to form unique families (Genesis 2:24). In the New Testament, we’re challenged to honor and protect the role of sex within the bonds of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Meanwhile, illicit forms of sexual expression like prostitution (1 Corinthians 6:16) and adultery (Exodus 20:14) are rejected.

In a nutshell, the Bible describes sex as God’s idea, a holy gift from Him to His highest creation. In fact, an entire book of the Bible—Song of Songs—is dedicated to the beauty of sex within His design. That’s one man and one woman living in a covenant relationship of marriage for a lifetime. Anything outside those boundaries—including premarital sex—goes off the rails quickly.

What about younger adults?

Unfortunately, many kids are not waiting for marriage. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 72 percent of females and 77 percent of males report having sex by the time they turned 20. Those numbers underscore the importance of understanding the physical and emotional dangers of premarital sex.

You’re probably familiar the physical dangers. Despite contraceptives, girls still get pregnant. Regardless of precautions, kids still contract sexually transmitted diseases. Those risks are real, and abstinence is still the only 100% safeguard against them.

On the other hand, the emotional red flags aren’t as obvious. As the Bible points out, sex connects people to one another. That’s why we use the phrase “become one” to describe marriage. Sex creates a bond; and if that bond is broken because it lacks to the commitment of a lifetime covenant, the results can be devastating. It’s more like performing major surgery than pulling off a bandage.

Likewise, sex sets up comparisons. In other words, each time individuals have sex, they carry their past partners into those experiences. By saving themselves for marriage, our kids actually save themselves from hauling a lot of extra baggage on their honeymoon.

4 things you should know

Admittedly, talking with your children about premarital sex can feel awkward. In fact, about one in five parents say they will never have “the talk” with their kids. But here’s the thing: Research makes it just as clear that kids need to hear from their parents on the subject. In fact, children are more likely to adopt their family’s values and avoid premarital sex if their parents will simply talk to them about it.

If the idea of talking to your child about sex is 100 miles outside your comfort zone, you’re not alone. It can be a daunting task, but it’s vital. Here are four tips to help you get started:

1. Keep the conversation going. The temptation will be get it over with as quickly as possible—in one sitting, if possible. Unfortunately, that won’t make the kind of impact you need. Instead, initiate an ongoing conversation that lasts for months and years. Allow some breathing room between talks and take advantage of teachable moments to reduce the awkwardness. Think in terms of a slow cooker, not a microwave.
2. Be age appropriate. Of course, slow cooker conversations imply that your children will change over time. That means you’ll be able to dig deeper as he or she grows. So, don’t hit younger kids with too much and don’t underestimate what your older kids can handle. Let the conversation mature as your children mature.
3. Focus on the bigger picture. Physical and emotional benefits are great. But ultimately, waiting for marriage is about honoring God with one’s life. Remind your children that they are called to reflect Jesus to the world—and saving sex for marriage is one way to point others toward Him.
   
4. Stick with it. You may think your child is tuning you out, but hang in there. Continue to reinforce the Bible’s principles about sex and live them out in a way your child can understand and respect. In the long run, you’ll be glad you did.

What’s your role?

If given the choice between talking to their kids about sex and having a root canal, many parents would opt for dental work. But the truth is, your kids need to hear from you on topics like steering clear of premarital sex. And while nothing can completely eliminate all those awkward feelings, you can lean into a few ideas that will take the sting out of the birds and the bees.