Kids—whether elementary or high school—spend about a third of their lives at school or taking part in school functions. That’s a lot of time! It also underscores the importance of a solid partnership between you as a parent and the teachers and administrators at your child’s school.

To nurture that partnership, you’ve got to figure out where the boundary lines should be set and where they might overlap. For example, you should determine how to punish a child for bad behavior at school once they get home. While school officials have the right to discipline kids for misbehavior on campus, as a father, you play a crucial role in establishing the guidelines for how to respond under your roof. 

As you might expect, knowing how to punish a child for bad behavior at school can be trickier than it sounds.

What the school can handle

As you start to shape your “house rules” for punishing your child for bad behavior at school, identifying what deserves discipline and what doesn’t is a great place to start. Honestly, most schools do a pretty good job of disciplining students. In many cases, the punishment officials mete out will be sufficient. 

For minor offenses, there’s usually no reason to punish a kid twice for bad behavior at school. As long as you stay in communication with teachers and other leaders, you can allow their punishment to stand. Your support of the consequences they enforce can nurture a healthy partnership between home and school that benefits you, your child, and the school.

But in some cases, the offense might be so serious that you need to address it at home. Or, in some situations, it might be a repeat of misbehavior in the past. In those situations, discipline at home is the best way to support discipline on campus. So, you need to know how you’ll punish a child for bad behavior at school.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Three steps to start

When I was a kid, our family attended the church that sponsored my Christian school. That meant my parents knew all my teachers and had access to spontaneous “parent-teacher conferences” on Sundays.

For example, as a first grader, my mom was one of my Sunday school teachers and our classroom just happened to be my classroom at school during the week. Often, between Sunday school and worship, my first-grade teacher would come in to set things up for Monday while my mom was packing things up after Bible study. 

Those encounters provided fertile ground for conversations about me. And sometimes, I would face the consequences of a bad decision at school when I got home after church.

Of course, you might not have that kind of connection with your child’s teachers. But when your son or daughter crosses the line with school misbehavior, as the Bible mentions, it’s your responsibility as a parent to act. Ultimately, you can’t delegate discipline. God has called you to be the primary spiritual mentor of your kids, which means punishing them at home when they step out of line at school.

As you work to figure out some “best practices” for punishing a child for bad behavior at school, here are three steps for starting out. Since every child and every situation is unique, you can adapt them to your particular family. But the general principles should give you a solid place to begin.

1. Get all the facts from the school.

You’ll certainly want to listen to your kid’s side of the story but resist the temptation to take his or her word as gospel truth. Communicate with the teachers and administrators at school. Find out the particulars of what happened and how the school responded. Ask questions to gain information without getting defensive. Once you have the facts, you can better know how to move forward in determining how to punish a child for bad behavior at school.

2. Talk with your child.

As noted, you need to hear your child’s side of the story. On those Sunday afternoons I mentioned earlier, my parents always let me talk about the situation my teacher had mentioned to them. Most of the time, I had no defense, but they still let me make my case.

Sometimes, a serious talk might be all your child needs. In other scenarios, you can work with your child to establish guidelines for the future—including consequences for repeated behavior. In the most serious situations, you will need to explain why you are adding to the school’s discipline with punishment at home. 

In each context, keep calm no matter what. Don’t let the temperature rise because responding in anger only makes things worse.

3. Take action.

If the misbehavior is serious or a repeated offense, you have to respond for the benefit of your child and out of respect for the school. The way you punish a child for bad behavior at school can take a lot of forms. You might withhold a privilege, or you might give your child extra chores around the house. In some cases, you might require them to do some kind of community service. 

Whatever you choose, stick to it. At the same time, make sure the punishment fits the crime. You want your child to learn that misbehavior has consequences, but you don’t want to cross a line into unfairness.

Address the Cause of Misbehaviour

One additional benefit of maintaining a solid line of communication between yourself and the school is that you’ll probably hear about more than your kids’ mistakes. You also will find out about their victories and the things they do right. Make sure you celebrate those as consistently as you punish bad behavior at school.

Affirm your child’s good choices—especially things that demonstrate solid character (who they are), not just excellent performance (what they do). Kids are more likely to repeat behavior that is celebrated. 

But for those times you have to punish a child for bad behavior at school, let love be the core of all you do. As noted, never discipline out of anger or frustration. Remind your kids that you love them and that nothing—even school misbehavior—will ever change that.

In short, discipline them the way God disciplines us—in love and for our good.

Not sure where you’re headed as a dad? Take the Godly Father Assessment to see now.