Want to improve your relationship with your kids? These communication tips for dads can be the foundation that establishes trust and gives you a chance to help your kids develop Christ-like character. 

No matter your background, we all have room to grow. For some dads, this comes naturally. But many dads feel like they are missing the mark. For some, it can feel awkward to make conversation with a pre-teen. Others are determined not to repeat the hurts they still have from their own fathers.

Dads tell us all the time that they struggle to communicate with their kids. So, know this: you are not alone! 

6 Communication Tips Dads Can Use Right Now:

1. Practice active listening.

It’s been said that kids spell love T-I-M-E. One of the best ways to keep the lines of communication open is to be a great listener. And, that takes time.

  • Learn about your child by being curious about their friends and their interests (without interrogating or judging!).
  • Engage with them when they have big emotions and validate their experiences early on so that they learn to see you as trustworthy.
  • Ask better questions. Draw them out (Proverbs 20:5). Make sure that your questions are both open-ended and specific to encourage kids to open up. Instead of “How was your day?” try “What made you laugh at school?” or “What would you change about your soccer team?”

2. Do an activity together.

Eye-to-eye contact can be challenging for some kids – especially boys. Instead, use an activity as a buffer to draw out your child.

  • Go on a family walk or toss around a ball in the backyard to get the blood pumping and the conversation flowing.
  • Take your kids on a quick trip to the coffee shop or grab take-out and use the time to connect. Nothing opens up the lines of communication like a jolt of caffeine!
  • Sit on the floor and play with Legos or have a tea party with younger kids. Grab the latest video games to connect with older kids. Sitting shoulder-to-shoulder is a powerful way to build trust with kids. (1 John 4:18) 

3. Pick your timing.

Focus on picking the right time to connect with your kids to know what is happening in their lives.

You may find that the “fine” day you heard about right after school was actually “the best day ever,” as they scored a goal in PE or “terrible” because they got left out in the lunchroom.

  • Kids need time to process and wind down after spending so much energy being still and focused at school. Even older kids will open up after some downtime and a snack. (1 Thessalonians 5:11) 
  • Use drive time (when they cannot escape!) to connect or explore new conversations. Make it interesting by listening to a podcast or music together and then sharing your thoughts.
  • Bedtime is an excellent opportunity to spend a few minutes with each child as they wind down. This is often a time when kids feel relaxed and safe enough to be vulnerable about their struggles.

4. Praise your kids often.

Kids’ minds and hearts are receptive to so much information, and you can use your words to shape their character.

  • Be positive about the way they worked on their science fair project or how you noticed them being kind to a friend.
  • Speak their unique strengths out loud as often as possible. Tell them how you love their creativity, hard work, or thoughtfulness. Kids will internalize your praise and grow in confidence. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
  • Thank your kids for doing their expected tasks, like hanging up their towels after showering without being asked or clearing their plates. This will reinforce the behavior and subtly show them how to be a positive influence with their own words.

5. Choose your battles.

Not every disagreement or disobedient behavior is worth fighting over.  Yes, asking for the 17th time for your kids to brush their teeth is frustrating. But it’s not worth an epic nightly battle in the long run.

  • Keep commands clear and concise. Say it kindly, and then enforce your consequences swiftly so that you can spend more time bonding and less time yelling up the stairs.  
  • Learn to manage your emotions and reactions. A defiant toddler, a sassy elementary school student, and an insolent teen can make your blood boil. We’ve all been there. But take a deep breath and keep your focus on having a healthy long-term relationship. (Ephesians 4:2-3)
  • Find a way to connect over common interests instead of splitting hairs about how you disagree. You’ll both enjoy your conversation way more laughing over Calvin and Hobbes than arguing over what is considered appropriate school attire.

6. Let your actions speak louder than your words.

Kids pick up on hypocrisy from a young age. You’ll gain a healthier relationship with your kids if you can model Godly communication.

  • Watch your body language and tone as you communicate with and around your kids. They are watching how you treat your spouse, co-workers, and in-laws.
  • Don’t tell your kids to be kind as you yell at the car driving too slowly in front of you. Instead, use frustrating or hurtful situations to help your kids grow in emotional intelligence. (Philippians 4:9)
  • Be quick to apologize when you’ve blown it. Kids aren’t looking for perfect dads who never lose their cool. They are looking for role models who show them what to do when they mess up. (James 5:16)

Are you ready to build a stronger relationship with your kids?

Godly Fatherhood is a high calling. If you feel like you are failing or not doing enough as a dad – you are not alone. Thousands of other dads just like you love their kids and love God and want to leave a legacy of faith for their families.

Get the resources to equip you for the journey and grow your influence in fatherhood and beyond.