How to not waste your failure as a father

Knowing how to handle failure as a father is tough. You have to remember that life is not about our own glory or our own kingdom. The Christian life is constantly in the battle of two kingdoms; the kingdom of self versus the kingdom of God. The question is, which one are you willing to commit yourself to?

The temptation to steal glory from something or someone is not a new thing. We long to be known, to be championed, and glorified—above even those we love. Simply put, we battle to be thieves of everyone’s glory, including God’s. We want the recognition. We want the honor. We want the praise. We are glory thieves. Here’s how to not waste your failure as a father.

Where failure as a father starts.

Most people, dads included, want to live for their own glory, namesake, and persona. “I, me, myself” to be seated on the throne, high and lifted up to be adorned and worshiped (Matt. 23:7). In fact, it is when you are vulnerable in your failures and say, “I don’t have my act together, I need Jesus” that God shows His strength in us (2 Cor. 12:9-11). It all points to Christ.

Will you be vulnerable for the sake of the gospel with your family? This might mean spending time with your son outside of the house— asking him a simple question like: How are you really doing? But beyond listening, take time to share some age-appropriate struggles you’ve been facing. Be open and honest about your weaknesses and share the amazing work God has been and is still doing in your life.

Don’t waste your failure as a father.

C. S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” In Till We Have Faces, Lewis wrote, “I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?” God does what is necessary even in the midst of suffering to make His children understand that He is the ultimate desire of their souls.

Use your failure to point to God.

Our failures are an opportunity to point to God’s grace and not our own life lessons. I’ve learned through the hardship of ministry, Jesus is the answer in every aspect of my life. Looking at the past failures and closing yourself in the dungeon of despair helps no one. To rest in the promises of Scripture and pursue the price that has been set before me is the answer to this life.

As men, we want to avoid our weaknesses. We want to be in control and look confident. We want to hide those nights where no one is watching—as temptation creeps in—as we scroll through that website we shouldn’t visit. Or, what about the anger that creeps in to hide the embarrassment of the mistake. Or, where you used sarcasm instead of love.

Point to God over and over and over.

We lead best by modeling supreme affection for Christ and praising Him for the growth in our lives, even if it proves painful for a time. The culture that surrounds us today will see the quiet, faithful hearts and be impressed and draw closer to God.

Men who embrace God’s calling as leaders have learned no failure is final, whether his failure or someone else’s. What God asks of a man is faithfulness. Success does not pertain to the size of the house he owns, nor how large his annual salary. The real question is obedience. So, point to God with your failures. Then keep pointing to God over and over.

Are you being faithful in spite of or in the midst of hardship to God’s calling? Are you being faithful in what God has commanded you to do in your fatherhood? Have you failed as a dad? Remember, a river cuts through rock not because of its power but because of its persistence. As Charles Spurgeon said, “By perseverance, the snail reached the ark.”

Question: Is there a time when you’ve failed, that you could use as a connecting point with your kids?