A lot of times, anger catches you like a sudden spring storm. Honestly, if you’re like most guys, you don’t have any trouble getting mad. But you’re not always sure how to calm down when angry.
Anger often takes you farther than you want to go. It’s like the kid who climbs a tree, only to realize he has no idea how to get back down. Maybe you’ve been there. It’s easy to let your temper get the best of you, but learning how to calm yourself down is another matter altogether.
It’s a challenge, but it’s not an impossible dream. You just need a few tools in your toolbox that can help you know how to calm down when angry.
Be slow to anger
Let’s start with the most obvious solution first: learning to manage anger in the moment. Or, even better, figuring out how to avoid getting angry in the first place. As I said, it’s an obvious solution. It’s just not easy.
James 1:19 gives us the recipe for staying calm instead of getting angry. If we want to be “slow to anger,” we’ve got to be “quick to listen” and “slow to speak.” For most guys, listening and holding our tongues don’t come naturally; but, as one of my elementary teachers used to say, God gave us two ears and one mouth for a very good reason.
Listening forces us to slow down, to process our thoughts and our reactions. And, since many angry situations start with our words, healthy silence can snuff out fires before they get started. As the writer of Proverbs 15:1 pointed out, “a gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”
Listening well and talking less can actually help calm you down before you lose your temper.
How to calm down
Even if we master the art of being slow to anger, we’ll still face times when our temperature rises. We’ll deal with moments when anger wells up from our toes to the top of our heads. We’ll catch ourselves becoming like those cartoon characters who literally blow their stack.
In those times, it’s good to think about why you’re mad. Sometimes, anger is appropriate. It’s a natural response to injustice or sin around us. But whether it’s “righteous” or not, you’ve still got to figure out how to calm down when angry. The five tips below can help you manage the moment and regain a sense of peace when you’re feeling angry.
• Take a breath. Count to ten when we’re angry. It’s a cliché, but it actually works. Just don’t forget to breathe while you’re counting. Deep breaths have a way of calming us when we’re angry. Like listening, taking a breath slows things down and helps us avoid knee-jerk reactions. And, if you can manage anger in the moment, you can keep it under control.
• Get some exercise. When I was a kid, I got a Mickey Mouse watch for Christmas. Back then, you had to “wind” your watch to keep it running. But if you wound it too tight, it would quit working completely. Anger works the same way. You can’t calm down when angry if you’re wound too tight. You need a release, and exercise is a great option for letting go of angry stress in a healthy way.
• Reject the lies. Negative thoughts are dangerous. If you’re like me, your mind tends to drift toward worst-case scenarios. While these rarely come to pass, we believe them all the same—and they prevent us from calming down when angry. But you can relieve anger by focusing on what is true. You can choose to believe the best about yourself (God loves you no matter what) and others (they aren’t really as malicious as you imagine). If you reject the false narratives, you can learn how to calm down when angry.
• Read some Scripture. If you’re looking for peace of mind, there’s no better place to turn than God’s Word. In fact, Psalm 119:165 says, “Abundant peace belongs to those who love your instruction; nothing makes them stumble.” And Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace.” God’s presence produces peace, and we experience His presence when we spend time in His Word. Turning to Scripture will help you calm down when you’re angry.
• Say a prayer. We’ve already said that deep breathing helps you calm down when angry. As you’re breathing in, take time to breathe out a prayer to God. It can be as simple as confessing a sin that caused the angry situation or acknowledging that you’re in over your head and need His help. You could even pray Scriptures about anger and peace back to God. Whatever form it takes, talk to God about your feelings, and ask Him to help you calm down when you’re angry.
A helper who’s always found
One of the things that makes each of these tips successful is that they require action. Instead of letting your negative emotions simmer and fester inside, you’re taking healthy steps to calm down when angry. That’s really important.
Having said that, you need to remember that you really can’t fight this battle alone. You need help. That could mean allowing your wife or some close friends to hold you accountable. Ultimately, though, it means leaning into the kind of help only God can provide.
One of the psalmists wrote that “God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). When you’re struggling with how to calm down when angry, God is right there with you. He can comfort you, guide you, and is your refuge and strength. He’s always found in times of trouble.
Don’t hesitate to reach out and let Him help.
Mountain Monday
Every big storm in nature requires a clean-up. The storms created by anger work the same way. When our temper pushes us to emotional heights, we often struggle with calming down again. We’re not sure how to get back to “normal” once the emotions have passed. Finding peace in the wake of anger can be a challenge, but it’s not impossible. We’ve got some tips for calming down after you’ve been angry.
