How to be a better husband and father: give and take life-giving advice.

Knowing how to be a better husband and father isn’t easy. One quick story: when I was in high school, there was one guy in our class who fell asleep all of the time. It was both funny and sad. This was back in the day when the teacher could take a board eraser and zing it at him—and it happened regularly in my class. That was the teacher’s way of rebuking the student for falling asleep in class.

I don’t know about you, but for me, receiving a rebuke is not very fun. I don’t enjoy it. However, I know that it’s life-giving and that at some level—I need to get comfortable with it. Listen to how Proverbs 9 says it.

“Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.” —Proverbs 9:8

How to be a better husband and father: Know what God says about wisdom

Proverbs 9:8-10 says

Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. 9 Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning. 10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Do you get life-giving advice?

That’s the question for you and me. As a dad, do you and I get rebuked? Who do you have in your life that you’ve invited into the rebuking circle? Who has the permission to come in and give you a gentle rebuke? I hope there’s someone in that circle for you. Many guys I talk with simply don’t have this in their lives. We all need it.

Do you give life-giving advice?

Quick story: One of my sons is really good at math. He has a head for numbers and he’s always had it. One day he’ll probably run a company or do something powerful with his financial brain. But, sometimes, the way he uses that math is not always productive.

For example, we’ll get pizza delivered to the house, he’ll want to take however many people are at home, let’s say there’s five of us at home. He’ll start doing the math on how many pieces everybody gets.

Sometimes, it’s from a heart that he just wants to make sure everyone gets a fair and even amount.

Sometimes, it’s a bit more selfish and he wants to make sure he gets that one extra slice—or he wants to take a slice and cut it in half. It can become a mess.

So, there have been times in our house where I’ve rebuked him for that gently and said, “Hey man, let it go. Take it easy. You don’t have to sweat every single slice of pizza.” Now, he doesn’t like that any more than you and I like it when people rebuke us.

I understand receiving rebuke is not very fun. But, what we want to realize in our homes is, we want to give rebuke to our children and we want them to receive it. Guess what, we need to set the example.

What receiving a rebuke looks like

Nobody likes having their flaws, even minor ones, pointed out. However, the Bible tells us a wise man hears and responds well to a rebuke. Teach our kids to welcome rebuke; model this well. Below are the steps I’ve found helpful to think through this process.

Your mission for how to be a better husband and father

Review the image above with the “steps to receiving a rebuke”. Then, ask your wife and older kids one by one over the next few days: “What’s one thing I could do better as a father?”

Their answer may be something small or big. Something you already know or never thought about. Here are your tasks. Just say “Thank you” and then move on. Don’t get involved in some big conversation. Don’t try and fix it right there on the spot. Just thank them and move on. Got it?

Remember what you’re trying to do. Your goal is to be a good example of today’s Scripture. You listen to the rebuke. You accept or receive the rebuke. Then, you move on.

Receiving a rebuke can be tough. But, it might also be the key to unlock growth and change in your home.