Trust me, I understand that dads have lots of struggles. And, knowing where to start in how to be a better husband and dad isn’t always a cakewalk. But, one of the biggest, yet easiest, challenges to overcome is feeling stuck or unsure where to start as a dad.
Listen, I may not be able to answer every question you have as a dad (Go ahead, try me!). But, I can help point you in the right direction to get unstuck. Here are four mistakes I often see dads make when they’re unsure where to start.
Mistake 1: You minimize or overlook your biggest challenge.
Satan is out to get dads. If you forget this, you lose. The first mistake I often see dads make is that they overlook their challenges. I know from the ten greatest challenges dads face that most dads struggle in the areas of leadership, communication, and how to train up their kids.
Most dads tell me they aren’t sure what to do and are unsure where to start as a dad. Whether you’re in a rut, you didn’t have the best example growing up, or you’re not connected with your wife as well as you should be, don’t overlook or minimize the struggle you’re facing. Overcome this first mistake by knowing your biggest challenge. You may have lots of questions and uncertainty as a dad. That’s okay. For now, simply know your biggest struggle.
What’s your biggest challenge as a dad right now?
Mistake 2: You try to work on too many things at once.
Most dads who do the hard work of knowing their biggest struggle miss something right after they see a bunch of challenges listed out. Their mind immediately goes from one challenge to several challenges and they get bogged down. Once you know your biggest challenge, resist the urge to work on too many things at once.
Combat your urge to work on a bunch of different issues by having your next goal in mind. Consider learning the seven (7) behaviors of a godly dad. Find out where you are struggling the most, and work on that one area. If you’re not sure where you stack up on the seven behaviors of a godly dad? Take this quiz to find out where you are and get options for what to do next.
What should you work on next? (Hint: start with the seven behaviors!)
Mistake 3: You don’t have alignment with your wife.
Don’t skip this mistake. When dads are trying to know how to be a better husband and dad, they will often ask me about how to lead their wives. I get the intention behind their question. But often, your challenge isn’t leadership as much as it is alignment with your wife.
In that light, aim toward praying together. Even if it’s a quick two-minute prayer, spend the next week praying for your wife, out loud. Watch and see if God doesn’t use it to bring you and your wife into better alignment.
When’s the last time you prayed with your wife?
Mistake 4: You get stuck and simply never get started.
Sadly, I hear from struggling dads and from moms and wives who wish their husbands would simply show signs of starting. If I’m reading these wives and moms correctly, you simply need to try. Just start somewhere.
Here’s my guess: you’re overthinking things. Here’s what to do—and what order to do it in. Here are seven ideas to help you get started when you’re not sure where to start in how to be a better husband and dad:
- Know the 7 behaviors of a godly dad.
- Take the godly dad quiz to find out where you are and get next steps handed to you.
- Signup for our Mountian Monday email for tips, tools, and motivation in your inbox each Monday.
- Snag a Field Guide. Get a quick read on your most-pressing struggles written by strong guides.
- Just for you – get The Connected Father digital course for videos and tools to combat your struggles with leadership, communication, and discipling your kids.
- Learn what to say and when to say it for leading your son or a small group
- Join the community of dads who are fighting the same battle you are.
When’s the last time you tried doing something differently?
