We often hear something like this from single moms, “Help, I’m a single mom with a son. I realize there’s male influence he needs I can’t provide. Unfortunately, his dad is not involved. Is Manhood Journey for me? Do you have any reading suggestions or helpful advice?”

My answer is yes and yes. I have five ideas for you.


 

First, thank you. You’re absolutely right that dad’s absence places more burdens on you. Take at least some comfort knowing you are not alone. We’re here and we’re always grateful when you write and call us. We know where your heart is when you come to us simply asking questions, not bad-mouthing or blaming dad for everything. 

Your question is a good one. I know the struggle is real and the task seems daunting. But don’t lose heart. Just like we’re here for dad, we’re here for you. 

I’m gad to hear that despite your challenging situation, you’re dialed in and aiming to give your son what he needs. I’m sure you’re doing a better job than you think. Here are some ideas for you to intentionally disciple your son:

#1 Pray for dad.

Obviously, I don’t know your situation. But, I know that Deuteronomy 6:6-7 still applies to your home. It says:

These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

What does the really mean for you? It means that no matter what, you be the example for your son. So keep praying for your son’s father. This will change how you talk to your son and may even change how you talk to your sons’ father.

I’m sure you know this, but God specializes in changing hearts. You can’t change your sons’ dad, but God can. I know he can turn hard hearts back to Him.

#2 Do some reading.

Do some reading  “as if” you were dad. Start with Point Man and Raising a Modern-Day Knight. We have some other favorites. Maybe you missed our list of 10 essential books for how to be a godly husband and fatherI think these would give perspective and insights for any parent, man or woman.

Read them to help you get inside your son’s head a bit. And, these books will inform your praying for your son and your sons’ dad. If you know what a biblical manhood looks like, you’ll know how to ask for it.

#3 Read one more book…then have your son read it.

Yes, this is a plug. That doesn’t make it untrue! Grab a copy of Kent Evans’ book, Wise Guys, Unlocking Hidden Wisdom From The Men Around You.  First, you read it. Then, when your son turns 13, give it to him as a gift.

As your son ages, teach him the principles found in there. See if you can make him a “mentor-seeker” as he hits his teen years. Kent talks in the book about building your own picture of manhood from Scripture and guys you basically chase as you mature. It’s helpful advice and well worth reading—so you can teach your son.

#4 Use Manhood Journey resources.

Yes, I’m plugging MJ stuff. Imagine that. We have these helpful tools called “1 on 1” guides. Even though they’re marked as father and son tools, they’d be perfect to help any “mentor” talk through biblical manhood topics with a young man. 

If you want hard copy versions, visit here. If digital works for you, grab the sample of Embarking 1 on 1 or check out other 1 on 1 topics as needed for you and your son.

#5 Find your son mentors.

Maybe he’s a teacher, counselor, coach or neighbor. But as you’re seeking out helpful men, lean in and boldly ask if he might spend some extra time with your son. A good first step, if this guy is married, might be to ask his wife first “for permission”. This will keep everyone’s walls down.

 

Lastly, we’re big fans of Trail Life USA. It’s a Christ-centered approach to “scouting” that tends to meet in churches. They’re a ministry partner of ours and we trust and respect them a lot. You can find out if there’s a Trail Life Troop in your area.

 

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Ryan Sanders is the Director of Outreach at Manhood Journey. Ryan is married to Tonia and they have two daughters and one son. He lives in Reston, Virginia and serves at McLean Bible Church as a regional leader. Learn more about Ryan here and find him on Twitter @RyanSanders.