Most dads struggle with finding common ground with their kids. Dads simply don’t connect well. Maybe this is you. Maybe you’ve never really connected. Or, maybe you haven’t connected since your kids were younger. Try as you may, your words end up as lectures, and the harder you try to connect—the deeper the chasm grows between you and your child. I get it. It can be tough to connect. But, we can’t stay where we are and get to where we’re going. Maybe it’s time to consider a different way forward.

I’ve seen the survey of over 2,000 dads who said one of the biggest challenges for dads was communication. They wrote things like:

“As my kids get older and are less interested in us (parents), I find it difficult to find ways to spend time together.”

“I don’t get video games. Not sure how to engage with my son without trying to turn him into me.”

“Understanding my teenage daughter.”

There’s so much to unwrap here. But, what if the next step forward was us not being so serious? What if we weren’t seen as the bad cop this evening? I know the Manhood Journey Blog to cover a lot of serious topics. And that’s good. But, in this post, I want to remind you to have fun with your kids. Especially during this extra-busy season. Maybe it’s best that you relax a bit. Maybe you can try not to overthink this whole discipleship deal. If we do this right, we’ll not only find common ground—but we’ll make more disciples.

Finding common ground: you can have fun with your kids.

Play with your kids. Be silly. Be so goofy with your kids so much that your wife has to remind you you’re the adult. Could it be, somewhere along the way, we simply got too busy and too serious?

Almost every day my kids run into our room and jump on our bed. Dad, mom, four kids, and sometimes a German Shepherd.

We wrestle because that’s what dads do. We make silly jokes and tickle. We tell stories and talk about our day. We sometimes just cuddle and watch some cartoons I don’t really get (80’s cartoons were the best).

There’s a lesson for your kids in having fun with you. They need to see you relaxed and informal. They need to see you having fun on their level. That’s where some of the greatest memories are made. It’s in the mundane things we do together that stick with us the longest.

My father was an Army vet. He fought in both the Korean War and the Vietnam War. This earned him a silver star, a bronze star, a few purple hearts, some shrapnel, and dentures. My dad could flip his dentures in his mouth. It was the weirdest thing and it would embarrass my mom when he would do it in public.

My dad passed away almost 30 years ago when I was only 11. Yet I remember this goofy thing he used to do, and I can still see it in my mind. I can see his face as he would flip those dentures in his mouth and the big smile he would make. Now that I’m a dad, I realize that he wasn’t smiling at himself. He was smiling because he had made me laugh.

Now that I’m a dad, I realize that he wasn’t smiling at himself. He was smiling because he had made me laugh.

I do the same thing with my kids.

As a family, we braved Disney World during spring break. My five-year-old daughter wanted to be carried all over the park, mostly riding on daddy’s shoulders. I pray she remembers this when she gets older. I hope she remembers the parades and the fireworks and all the things she could see from riding on my shoulders. I know that having fun with my kids builds memories.

Finding common ground: count the cost.

Count the cost. Don’t be irresponsible, but can you sacrifice in one area of your life to make room for fun with your kids in another area?

Maybe you shave a few minutes off from the gym so you can go to the park with your kids. Go for walks together as a family. Look for opportunities. There are tons of inexpensive things you can do with your kids that they’ll never forget. Maybe you take your lunch to work with you for a few weeks, save money, then take your kids to a restaurant.

One of the funniest things we often do is cook pizzas and rent a DVD and have a movie night in the living room. It’s not some big, elaborate deal where we spend a ton of money. We just put a blanket on the floor and eat dinner together while watching a movie. We’re just being together. While it may seem so small and simple our kids ask to do this all the time. I am reminded in these moments to stop and look at my family laughing together and eating pizza and I just watch my family. I am so blessed!

Finding common ground: having fun leads to discipleship.

There is also an opportunity for intentional discipleship as we have fun together.

My family does devotions together. We try to do them every day, but it doesn’t always happen. Just because we are talking about God’s Word doesn’t mean we don’t have fun and that we don’t laugh.

Some of the stories in Scripture are kind of funny. I know that this means something to my kids because they literally ask us if it’s time for family devotions. They ask if they can read the Bible passage for the night. They all want to pray. They want to ask questions.

Some of those questions are goofy, but that’s ok. We’re learning about God and His Word and how it applies to our lives. We don’t do family devotions because it’s fun. We do it because it is training our kids in righteousness, but they make it fun.

I would encourage you to do family devotions. Bonus points if you can make it meaningful and fun. Having fun with your kids deescalates tension in the relationship. You might be stressed from work, or if they bring tensions from school. Having a little fun together can ratchet that tension down.

Perhaps your relationship with your child has been strained because of hurt feelings or mistakes made (by both or either of you). If that’s the case, take time to set those strains aside, and have some fun. Then, you can come back (carefully) to those issues when the timing is right.

Connecting with your child like never before often means having fun with your child.

This will give you insight into who they are. It gives you a snapshot of what they like and why they like it. They will express themselves a bit more freely in those fun moments and you can learn a ton about them.

Having fun together in this capacity is about enjoying them. If you’re doing something they like, even though it may not be your thing, they will appreciate the fact that you gave their thing a shot. They know you’re doing it for them.

You may even hear the words, “Thank you.” Imagine that.

Question: What’s one thing you can do this evening to have fun with your child?

 

More resources for finding common ground.

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