We live in a world where things never stop. Technologies and innovations move things forward at a boggling pace, but they also tend to make things less personal. As we strive to get more value out of life, we can lose our perspective about the things we should be valuing most.
For many guys, the temptation to let other things move our family priority down the list can be a problem. As godly men, fathers, and husbands, God has placed us in this role, and He has called us to keep family a priority in our lives.
You’re Gonna Need a Budget
I spent a few years working for a company that helps people with their finances. The focus was to give people tools to get out of debt and to build wealth—both for their own security and so they could learn how to be generous. As you might expect, I learned a lot about budgeting during my time there.
And I learned that money is not the only thing we need to be budgeting as men!
The biggest key to keeping your family priority in tact is making the most of the time God has given you with them. So, in a sense, you need to learn how to budget your time so that the “main thing” continues to be the “main thing.”
Here’s what I mean: When my wife and I do our financial budget for each paycheck, we start with our tithe and our savings. Why? Because if we wait, we will find plenty of other things to spend our money on, and those two items will get left off the list. Those are important to us, so that’s where we start.
The same is true for your family. They should be your priority, so they need to be at the top of your “time” budget. Like your paycheck, if you don’t make time for them at the start, other things will wiggle their way in and rob you of valuable opportunities to show your wife and kids that they really are your priority.
How to Make Family Your Priority
So, your first step in creating a family priority is to make sure it’s at the top of your budget—or, more precisely, second behind your time with God and prayer. But, honestly, your quiet times won’t be the villains that steal your family time! Those two actually will work hand-in-hand. Your quiet times will challenge you to be a great spiritual leader for your family, and your time with family will remind you of how much you need to stay connected to your heavenly Father.
Your next step will be to figure out how to live your budget out in practical ways. After all, calling something a priority is admirable. But we all know how quickly we can get distracted and lose focus. We need handles to help us shift gears and put the wheels of family priority into motion.
In the list below, I’ve identified seven pretty basic tips for making (and keeping) your family a priority in your life. These are based on common sense, so they aren’t going to be difficult to implement. You just have to . . . make them a priority.
Keep a Family Calendar
This is one time when paper and pencil are better than digital. Make a list of everything going on in your family for a week or a month and post it in a prominent place. Of course, you’ll need the whole family to participate in naming things and keeping the calendar up to date. But that’s all right because it will remind them that you are making them your priority. You also need to be sure your personal calendar matches what’s on the family calendar. It will help with your time management and keep things from falling between the cracks.
Ask What’s Going On
Regular conversations inevitably lead to stronger connections. With that in mind, spend time asking the members of your family questions about their lives and be present as you listen to their answers. Everyone appreciates being heard, and letting them share a piece of their lives shows them that you care. Be careful to avoid preaching or offering too much advice, but it’s OK to look for teachable moments when those doors open.
Share Meals Together
A great place to have the conversations mentioned above is during family meals. There’s just something about breaking bread that strengthens bonds and brings people closer. Plus, research validates the power of families sitting down and eating together. While some of these meals certainly can be at restaurants, make time to gather at home as much as possible. This is one of those areas where budgeting time can make a huge difference!
Worship Together
Be a husband and father who takes his family to church, rather than just sending them to church. Being with them in a house of worship sends an incredible message to your family about what you consider important—and that you want to be active in their spiritual growth. While you’re at it, don’t settle for being a “Sunday believer.” Find ways to serve and to be active in the life of your congregation. This will make you a better husband and dad.
Silence The Cell Phone
You probably understand that one incredible present you can give your family is to actually be present with them. Most of the time, that means making family a priority by unplugging and eliminating digital distractions. Again, budget time to be family time. When you’re together, be with them fully. Take a break from the emails and texts. They will be there when you get back.
Involve Everyone
If you’re the kind of guy who’s a planner, you like to put all the ducks in a row. But to make family a priority, you need to let go and let others be part of the planning process. Giving others a voice and doing what others want to do isn’t just unselfish. It also communicates value. It lets family members know they are a priority.
Spend Time With God
I mentioned earlier that your time with God will complement your time with family. Here’s why: The closer you get to your heavenly Father, the closer you’ll get to your family. He created you, and He knows you. As a result, He alone has the ability to make you a better husband and dad—and that’s exactly what He wants for you, so it’s a win-win situation. Spend time in His Word and prayer. Ask Him to teach you how to make your family a priority.
Making it work
As I close, let me give you two more bits of wisdom from personal experience. First, remember that you are not perfect, and you will make mistakes. You’re human, and nothing is going to change that. So, while you will get better with practice, you’ll still miss the mark on making family your main priority. If so, give yourself some grace, ask forgiveness from God and your family, and move on. Don’t let one bump in the road derail the entire trip.
Second, you will face times when plans have to change. Something really important will come up, and you will have to deal with it. The human experience is too chaotic for everything to work smoothly every time. But here’s the thing: If you’ve followed the plan up to that point, your family will understand an occasional blip on the screen. If you’ve developed a reputation as a husband and father who makes family a priority, your wife and kids will be flexible enough to put things on hold for a minute.
But the important thing is making those regular deposits now. Otherwise, you won’t have anything in “the bank” to withdraw when you really need it.
