Becoming a Better Husband Is Easier Than You Think

I made the all-star basketball team when I was ten years old. Awesome, I know. Because of this, I naturally assumed I was one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Then I watched the 12-year-old all-star team practice after our team and realized I wasn’t even one of the best players in the gym. Regardless of how good I thought I was, I quickly learned the life lesson that there is always room for improvement. I genuinely hope you are one of the greatest husbands to ever slide on a wedding band. Even if that’s true, you are probably aware of that truth I learned at 10; there’s always plenty of room for improvement. Here are some simple suggestions on how to be a better husband.

It’s not about you
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Well, that’s a pretty simple command to follow (he wrote sarcastically). God calls us to love our wives the way Jesus loves the church—sacrificially. Remember, Jesus literally laid down His life for His people. If sacrifices are required to better your marriage and family, guess who God suggested make those sacrifices? Master this, and your marriage will be the stuff of legends.

Lighten her load
Every home has household chores, things that must get done to keep your home a place you enjoy being in. You’ve probably intentionally or unintentionally divided these chores up. Take on a couple of extra chores so she’ll have less work to do. Making her life easier will quickly make you a better husband.

Dive into her love language
Years ago, a pastor and Christian counselor named Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages. The book surmises that one of our deepest emotional needs is to feel loved by the significant people in our lives. And, for most of us, there are five different categories that speak to that need—Act of service, Receiving gifts, Quality time, Words of affirmation, and Physical touch. Chances are, one or two of these ideas are significant to your bride. Learn what they are and put them into practice. Knowing how to speak her love language specifically will help you love her better.

Go on dates
You probably didn’t meet your wife and propose on the spot. She would have run away to the nearest police station and filed a restraining order if you did. You became her husband because you pursued her. You sought time with her, went on dates, enjoyed mini adventures together. Too many married couples give up on the dating process. Date your wife. Both of you will be glad you did.

Listen
Really listen to her, don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Listen to what she has to say. Learn the names of friends and coworkers. I’ll repeat this because you probably weren’t listening the first time; just listen. You don’t have to solve any problems or pass on your pearls of wisdom that will solve all her issues, just listen. One more time for the remedial among us—just listen.

Be supportive of her self-care
I’m not talking about the makeup and potions she has stored in the bathroom, although treating her to the occasional spa day fits into this line item. Sometimes your wife needs to talk to people that are not you. She needs her own friends. A girls’ night. She may want to meet with a counselor from time to time. Whatever she feels she needs to help take care of herself mentally, relationally, and emotionally–be supportive. I know that you are practically perfect and the living embodiment of all she needs, but indulge me here for a second. Supporting her interests outside of who you are is an excellent way of supporting who she is.

Ask
Sounds too easy, right? You mean to tell me that if I want to be a better husband to my wife, I should get her input? It’s a bit unorthodox, I know, but extremely helpful. Put your ego aside for a minute and check in with her every once in a while. Hey, wife, (use her actual name here or suffer the consequences) how am I doing as a husband? What could I work on to be better? Prepare yourself for her response. If your wife is honest, and hopefully she is, you will receive feedback. That’s a good thing because now you know what steps to take and what needs improving.

It is not enough to just want to be a better husband.

That desire has to drive you to action for actual improvement to take place. It’s good you want to be a better partner to your bride, now get out there and do something about it. Take one of the above suggestions, put it into practice, and you’ll be well on your way to her bragging about you to her friends. I know that’s not the goal, but it does feel good.