Whoa, whoa, whoa, you need to calm down! What’s your problem? Why don’t you just relax? I’m not sure why this is the kind of “advice” others pass out when we get angry, but, and I can’t speak for you (although I feel pretty confident I can in this scenario), it tends to only make me angrier. If I were Dr. Bruce Banner on the verge of hulking out and some guy came up to me with a condescending tone, “Dude, you need to calm down,” I’m 100% ripping my pants to shreds as I turn into a giant green monster. I may even rip him to shreds. So, when it comes to anger, let’s try a different approach to stop that inner monster from making an appearance. Here are three daily habits to help us calm down and manage our anger.
Pray before you speak or act.
You can feel it when you’re getting angry. Whether it’s tense shoulder, gritted teeth, or a white-hot rage that burns from the inside out, forcing you to see everything in deep shades of red (purely hypothetical, nothing specific to me or anything), you know when you’re about to lose control. You’ve probably been told to take several slow, deep breaths or count to 10 to calm down in these moments. If that works for you, cool. But prayer is a better option.
It’s been suggested that peace isn’t the absence of danger or conflict in your life but the presence of God. Seeking the LORD daily will bring more peace into our lives because it will bring more of Him. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Even just a little time in His Word and talking to Him transforms us from the inside out. Like any relationship we have, the more time we spend with someone, the more we become like them. It is the same with God.
If peace is what we are after, God is where we need to go.
Practice anger management.
While we may all admit that I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, we also all seem to think that everyone else makes way more mistakes than we do. Other people’s stupidity can be baffling, right? Not so fast. We have blind spots to our faults. Some of us have even mislabeled our weaknesses as strengths. I speak the truth no matter how hard it may be to hear. No, you’re just a jerk. But that’s okay. We’re all jerks. The quicker we understand this and practice our anger management skills, the quicker we are to offer other people understanding and forgiveness.
When we fully understand that there is nothing good about us other than Jesus, we start to see ourselves with more clarity. We see how dirty and broken we are. This clarity is a good thing. It helps us forgive others more easily. When people cut us off in traffic, instead of losing our minds, we understand Yeah, I’ve done that too. When someone doesn’t meet our expectations, instead of talking down to them, we understand. I, too, have disappointed people with my words and actions.
When our anger gets the best of us, we want others to know that’s not who we want to be. We want their forgiveness. If we want someone to offer us understanding and forgiveness, we better be willing to give it.
Give yourself some time.
Physical stimuli have a way of manifesting anger. Ever get a little cranky or short-fused when you’re tired? How about hungry? How about tired and hungry? Our circumstances affect our moods and attitude. Sometimes all we need to do to rid ourselves of anger is to step away from our circumstances for a minute or two.
There are many times throughout the gospels where we see Jesus sneak off to be by Himself. Even Christ needed some alone time. Time with His Heavenly Father. Time to take a breath. People were always demanding His time and attention, but He still stepped away occasionally to recharge.
Give yourself some time. Go for a walk. Stop by your favorite coffee shop. Sneak away for a few minutes to take a breath. Making a habit of taking a break will keep anger at a distance.
We don’t have to be angry.
It’s not something that has to have control over us. Give one of these examples a try this week. If you don’t notice a difference, try a different anger management solution. Keep trying until you find what works for you. You’ll be glad you did.
