Several years ago, I got an interesting question during a job interview. The interviewer asked me to identify my greatest strengths and weaknesses. I was expecting the first part of the question, but the topic of weaknesses caught me by surprise.
Thinking about it, though, the question makes perfect sense. It’s important for us as guys to understand both our greatest strengths and our greatest weaknesses. We need to evaluate ourselves honestly because that’s how we grow as men, as husbands, as dads, and as Christ followers.
Simply put, we can’t overcome our weaknesses if we keep denying them.
Feeling insecure
Admittedly, slowing down to look for common weaknesses leaves most of us feeling insecure. And that’s ironic since many of our weaknesses can be traced to insecurity, those unresolved doubts and questions about whether we’re good enough.
Insecurity wreaks havoc on our lives as men. Sins and character flaws like lust, risky behaviors, isolation, and passivity are grounded in a lack of security. And insecurity can be traced to a lack of identity. We forget that we are sons of God. We forget the divine favor we receive as His children. We forget that He loves us more than we can imagine and that we often bring a smile to His face.
If we could grasp that, many of our insecurities—and their accompanying weaknesses—would melt like a snowball in the desert.
Following the Spirit
Instead, we waffle when it comes to trusting God and embracing His love. And our greatest strengths often are offset by our greatest weaknesses. So, again, we need to take an honest look at ourselves. We’ve got to deal with “the sin that so easily ensnares us” (Hebrews 12:1).
But where do we start? The Bible. In addition to being God’s love letter to you, the Scriptures also provide guidance and define God’s expectations. It shines a light on our weaknesses so we can address them effectively.
To start identifying our common weaknesses, we should identify what God considers the greatest strengths we can pursue. The fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) represents the character qualities that should mark our lives as men of God.
And, if the Spirit’s fruit is the ideal, the opposite of each quality would be a weakness to identify and eliminate. We’re looking for 10 common weaknesses, and the fruit of the Spirit gives us nine. I’ll add an important tenth weakness at the end.
A lack of love produces fear.
At first glance, you might associate a lack of love with anger or hatred. But the apostle John wrote, “There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18). When our lives are enveloped by love—from God and from those around us—fear can’t remain. Like light drives out darkness, learning to love and embrace love helps us overcome the weakness of fear.
A lack of joy produces discontent.
Joy sees God’s hand at work in every situation. And, since we know God is in control, we can afford to be satisfied. That’s why Paul challenged the Philippians to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Philippians 4:4) and why he could say that he knew how to be content in every circumstance (Philippians 4:12). Living with joy equips us to overcome the weakness of discontent.
A lack of peace produces anger.
The Bible says a lot about anger—and most of it is negative. While we might focus on “be angry and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26), we forget the next verse says that anger gives Satan an “opportunity” (Ephesians 4:27). The image is of a military enemy gaining a foothold from which it can launch more attacks. In contrast, God’s peace passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). It protects us from the anxiety that triggers our anger and helps us overcome this common weakness.
A lack of patience produces impatience.
This sounds obvious, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Patience isn’t just a virtue. It’s evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work in us; and, to the extent that it’s absent from our lives, we are throwing up spiritual roadblocks. We all know patience doesn’t come easily. In fact, it requires supernatural assistance. But it’s not impossible; and when we pursue peace (Hebrews 12:14), we reflect God’s character and take important steps toward overcoming the weakness of impatience.
A lack of kindness produces selfishness.
In biblical terms, kindness is not just showering random acts of charity on others. It’s a sacrificial lifestyle that puts the needs of others ahead of our own. Inherently, kindness is unselfish. It’s the aspect of love that Paul said “does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). Admittedly, kindness is hard, but gets easier the more you practice it. Infusing our lives with kindness helps us overcome the common weakness of selfishness.
A lack of goodness produces grudges.
While kindness is an external manifestation of the Spirit’s character, goodness is an internal quality that nurtures purity and “rightness.” Goodness serves as our “true north,” guiding us toward wisdom. Without goodness, we become self-absorbed and easily offended because we lose sight of the value of others created in God’s image. We hold grudges against anyone or anything that wounds us—real or imagined. We need the strength of innate goodness to overcome the weakness of holding grudges.
A lack of faithfulness produces apathy.
Faithfulness relates to steadfastness (James 1:2-4). It’s the character quality that keeps us moving forward until the job gets done. It means we are reliable and trustworthy. In contrast, apathy takes us down a path of laziness and passivity. Instead of putting in the hard work of moral excellence, we choose the sidelines. We become what James called “double-minded and unstable” (James 1:7-8). We need faithfulness to overcome the weakness of apathy.
A lack of gentleness produces pride.
Many men make the mistake of defining gentleness as a weakness. Truth is, gentleness is powerful. The wording relates to a wild horse being brought under control. The power is still there, but it’s being channeled into healthier directions. Without gentleness, we become proud and self-sufficient. We rely on our own strength instead of relying on the One who created us. And, as the writer of Proverbs noted, “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). We need gentleness to help us overcome the weakness of pride and to avoid the dangers of a devastating fall.
A lack of self-control produces procrastination.
I struggle with procrastination, so this quality of self-control is personal to me. It might be personal to you as well. Self-control, or self-discipline, gives us the strength to keep our priorities in line and to focus on what really matters. The psalmist asked God to “teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts” (Psalm 90:12). We’ve only got so much time on this earth, and we need to use it wisely. The strength of self-control helps us overcome the weakness of procrastination.
A lack of integrity produces dishonesty.
Technically, integrity isn’t found in the fruit of the Spirit, but it’s the glue that holds everything together. Integrity literally means wholeness. It’s what we experience when every aspect of the Spirit’s fruit is working appropriately. When one or more of those pistons fail to fire, it threatens our integrity, and we start acting “unreal.” We’re not true to ourselves or to those around us. Most important, we’re not true before God. We become hypocrites, actors hiding behind a mask. We need to protect our integrity so we can overcome the weakness of dishonesty.
Feeling like a fake
In evaluating our greatest strengths and weaknesses, we need to watch out for the “imposter syndrome.” This is the perception that we’re really faking it, and someone’s going to call us out for being a fraud.
Rather than being a fruit of the Spirit, it’s a fruit of the insecurity we noted earlier. And it comes with very real consequences. In many cases, the imposter syndrome drives men to live beyond their means instead of being good stewards of God’s resources. It convinces us to focus on work instead of investing in our families. It’s what leads us to demonstrate false bravado when we should be practicing humility.
The fear of being revealed as a fake feeds all of the common weaknesses we’ve mentioned—and others that we haven’t. To counteract this lie of the enemy, we need to immerse ourselves in the truth of our heavenly Father. We need to spend time in His Word and in prayer. We need to remember His love and follow His direction. And we need to turn our failures over to Him because He’s the only One who can transform our greatest weaknesses into our greatest strengths.
