So many ways to discipline a child, just don't do it this way.

I don’t know about you. But, have you ever been hateful or rude and sinned against your children? Because if you haven’t, feel free to stop reading right now. If you’re that good, you should be writing our blog posts!

For the rest of us, we’ve done that. We’ve been hateful to our kids, reacted in anger, and just been rude.

Here’s the danger: we can connect our sin to their sin.

Here’s what happens: I have five boys and they’re acting like knuckleheads. I come in, hard day at work, I’m already tired and frustrated, and I lash out at them in anger.

The temptation is to say:

“Well, I lashed out because you guys were disrespecting your mom…” or
“You guys were destroying property…” or
“You guys were committing a felony…”

But, that’s not true. The reason I lashed out at them is that I chose to lash out at them. I have to own that.

In all of your ways to discipline a child, don’t do it this way.

I don’t know if you’re like me, but what do we tell our kids—when you have Tommy and Billy and Tommy hits Billy. You ask Tommy, “Why’d you hit Billy?” And Tommy says, “Billy hit me first.”

What do you do? You don’t let Tommy off of the hook. You don’t say, “Oh, okay, in that case, since Billy hit you first, all’s well, sure, go ahead.”

But, ironically, we do that as parents. Our kids are out of line, to be fair. But, then, we react sinfully. And, we tie our sin to their sin. “The reason I yell at you is…” Have you ever done that? I know I have.

So, we have to get good pulling these things apart and addressing two separate issues.

It says in 1 John 1:9,10…

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. —1 John 1:9,10

I want you to hear from my good friend Darren Walter on this. Let me introduce you:

Darren Walter has been Lead Pastor at Current Christian Church in Katy, Texas since 2008 and has been in full-time ministry for more than 20 years. Darren graduated with an undergraduate degree in Bible and Ministry with an emphasis on Preaching from Kentucky Christian University where he met his wife Amanda. They have four great kids. Darren loves to travel with his family (Disney World is one of their favorite vacation spots). Darren is a writer and is a student of creativity, change, and leadership.

Here’s what Darren says we should do to separate our sins as dads.

With so many ways to discipline a child, try this first.

I have a challenge for you. If you’re anything like me, and like most dads, there are times when you react to your kids in a way that just isn’t right.

Maybe you overreact or your anger gets the best of you. You raise your voice or fly off the handle. After some time to cool down, we all wish we could go back and redo our reaction. But, since that’s not possible, the key is to get ahead of our next reaction.

Here’s the deal: sometime this weekend or over the next few days, get a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center from top to bottom.

On the left side, write this heading: “When they…” and on the left side of the page, make a list of the behaviors of your kids that usually result in you acting poorly.

On the right side, write this heading: “I respond with…” and on the right side of the page, list some of your negative responses or actions that correspond to your child’s behavior.

Example:

Left side: “When they…” …ignore my instructions.

Right side: “I respond with…” …angry yelling.

Then do this.

Once you’ve completed both sides, tear the page in half from top to bottom and then toss whatever you listed about your kids. Instead, focus completely on your actions and your responses—regardless of how you’re provoked are these responses sinful.

Confess these sins to the Lord, repent, and ask God for help—and for Him to help you pay attention to your responses. Pray for that split second between cause and effect when you can take a breath, gain some self-control, and respond in a controlled and positive way.

Now, understand, we’re not suggesting you become okay with your four-year-old ignoring you or your fifteen-year-old saying something disrespectful to you. What we are saying is: address those actions. But, address them in a calm, clear, and direct way—in a way that honors God, yourself, and your kids.

One more thing…

When you do this, the next time you have self-control, and change your poor response to an appropriate response, no one is going to cheer for you. Your kids won’t congratulate you. Your wife may not notice. There will be no promotion waiting for you at work. But, God, your Heavenly Father, will cheer you own, He will notice, and you will be blessed as a result. Count every small step and every win as a major victory.