Raising Kids to Follow God

The day your first child is born is a mix of excitement and anxiety. On one hand, you’re experiencing the thrill of bringing a new life into the world, another human made in the image of God. On the other hand, you’re experiencing the terror of realizing that you don’t really know anything about raising kids!

It’s true that the world is filled with books and websites that provide a lot of theories. But when it comes to raising kids the right way, there is no one-size-fits-all formula. Since every child is different, what works for your children will differ from what works for your friends. In fact, if you have multiple children, each one of them will need a special touch in one way or another.

Raising Kids the Right Way is on You.

So, while you’re trying to sort through the ins and outs of parenting your children in those early days, it’s not unusual to feel a little overwhelmed. After all, raising kids is a big responsibility. But there is one thing you need to remember, especially when things get bumpy.

God picked you to be the father of your children. Out of all the men in the world, He placed your kids in your family under your authority. He chose you to keep your kids safe in all stages of life. Whether they’re teenagers under the barrage of peer pressure, or you need to teach them about internet safety. And, since God doesn’t make mistakes, you can take comfort in the fact that He knew exactly what He was doing when He brought those kids into your life.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you won’t struggle. You’ll have some battles, and you’ll lose some of them. But God will never set you up to fail. As you learn to lean into Him as a dad, He will walk with you through the good days and the bad.

7 Tips for Raising Kids the Right Way.

And even though fatherhood doesn’t come with a training manual, God has provided us with some basic principles for raising kids well. The list below includes seven things you can focus on, pray about, and act on as a father. You won’t hit the target every time, but these will give you a better idea of what you’re shooting at.

1. Focus on the relationship. Parenting research is pretty clear: When it comes to raising children, the relationship makes all the difference. Building a deeper connection with your kids makes them feel nurtured and secure as they’re growing up have a much better chance of transitioning into healthy adulthood. They won’t be perfect because they’re human, but investing in your relationship with them can make a big difference today and down the road.

2. Emphasize values, not rewards. A few months ago, we posted a blog about healthy ways to motivate your children. The big takeaway from that research was the difference between external and internal motivations. External motivations, like rewards (and bribes), are short-term fixes. In contrast, internal motivations are rooted in values, which gives them staying power. As a Christ follower, this is even more important because you want you kids to grow up knowing the “why” of their behavior—and that why is a personal relationship with Jesus.

3. Be authoritative. Basically, psychologists and researchers have defined four unique styles of parenting. For example, permissive parenting swings too far toward relationships, turning parenthood into a “buddy system.” Meanwhile, authoritarian parenting swings too far toward discipline and creates pressure and expectations that no child could ever meet. And neglectful parenting simply takes a hands-off approach by not setting expectations or building relationships.

The sweet spot in parenting styles is called authoritative parenting. It seeks to balance love and security with reasonable expectations and accountability. While boundaries are set and enforced, discipline is positive, not punitive. It teaches children that rules exist for their benefit. Best of all, it aligns with healthy parenting from a biblical perspective.

4. Encourage curiosity. Children are naturally curious, and parents who raise kids the right way encourage that curiosity. They challenge kids to ponder the “why” behind the world, to see how things work and how they could be better. Of course, this goes beyond simply knowing more facts, which means it will take a deeper investment from you as a father. But curiosity has become even more important as the world has shifted to digital experiences. Plus, we all would be better off seeing things from a childlike (not childish) perspective more often than we do.

5. Build a healthy family culture. Each of us was raised in a particular family culture. In fact, when psychologists talk about the difference between “nature and nurture,” they’re often include family culture for the “nurture” part. It’s not the only piece of the puzzle, but it certainly affects who we become.

As a parent (especially as a dad), you play a huge role in creating a healthy family culture. For example, dads often set the standard for communication. In terms of how family members speak to and share with one another, they will follow your lead and respond to the environment you create. You also help define your family’s values and their traditions. These are things that make an impression on kids when they’re young and inform their lives as they become adults.

6. Reject simplistic faith. As believers, the subject of faith is a paramount concern. One of the responsibilities God gives parents is the task of teaching their children about Him and raising kids who will love Him more deeply as they mature. But if your kids are ever going to embrace a faith that sticks through adulthood, it’s got to be more than a “Sunday” thing. Delegating the mentoring to others and settling for simple answers will never help your children grow in their faith.

Instead, you need to be proactive in sharing your faith and showing your child how it plays out each day. You’ve got to demonstrate why you believe God is real and why you believe He can be trusted in every area of life. You’ve got to help them know Jesus—not just know about Him. That will look different for each child and each family, but it’s your job to set the standard under your roof.

7. Provide role models. As I just noted, you are ultimately responsible for your child’s spiritual development, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone. While you strive to be a great role model, you can also expose your children to others who can be trustworthy examples for them. Allow them to interact with fellow Christians who will reinforce what you’re teaching at home.

Along those lines, here’s one more thought: Encourage your children to read biographies of godly men and women. Kids can learn a lot through stories, and books can teach them important principles. So, challenge them to read about people of faith. You might even join them so you can talk about what you learned too.

Finding a true north

No parent wants to watch their kids struggle. We all wish their lives took them down smooth paths and along calm seas. Of course, it does always work that way. You know from personal experience that life will knock them down and push them into uncharted waters. And you know that, as tough as it is, struggling is the key to genuine growth.