One of the greatest challenges of manhood is trying to juggle all of the biblical responsibilities you’re given in life. You have so many plates in the air, and you work hard to make sure none of them hit the ground. But as you focus on important areas like faith, marriage, and career, don’t let anything distract you from another vital calling: the parent-child relationship you foster with your kids.
What Comes Third?
As a dad, the first step toward focusing on your parent-child relationship is to understand the place it deserves in your life. Your relationship with your child—son or daughter, infant or adult—should be a Top 3 issue for you.
God comes first. You probably know that in your head and try to live it out practically in your life. But the truth is, no relationship in your life will work if He is not your first priority.
Your spouse comes second. Just as you can’t relate to her well unless God comes first, you won’t have a meaningful relationship with your children if you don’t have a meaningful relationship with her. Even if you’re divorced, you still have a responsibility to keep your relationship with the mother of your kids as healthy as possible.
So, that brings us to what comes third; I believe the correct answer is your parent-child relationship. While church, work, hobbies, or friends might fight to displace your kids from No. 3, your God-given role as a dad really doesn’t give you that option.
Hallmarks of a Healthy Parent-Child Relationship
Let’s be clear about something: You aren’t perfect. I know that comes as no shock to you, but it’s worth saying from the start. That’s because your imperfection inevitably will bleed into your relationship with your children.
You’re going to drop the ball at times. You’re going to make mistakes. Thankfully, perfection isn’t the standard. Just like every other area of your life, God leaves room for grace in your parent-child relationship. So, trust Him to help you know what to do and how to improve.
Plus, your kids aren’t looking for perfection. They are looking for a dad who is willing to spend time with them and will be their biggest fan. In the list below, I’ve suggested five major hallmarks of healthy parent-child relationships. The list certainly is exhaustive, but it can give you a starting point if you’re not sure where to begin.
1. Grounded in Love.
More than anything else, your kids want to know they are loved. They want to know that you have their backs and that you will always be in their corner. Honestly, Christ calls us to make love a hallmark of everything we do as believers (1 Corinthians 13). That includes our relationship with our kids.
2. Provide Security.
Children who feel love have a greater sense of security, but it isn’t necessarily a guarantee. Your parent-child relationship has to provide a safe place for them: physically and emotionally. Talk with your kids about their fears and let them know that you will do everything in your power to protect them against any storm.
3. Promote Growth.
The Bible says that Jesus grew intellectually, physically, socially, and spiritually (Luke 2:52). Your kids need the same kind of support. Encourage them to step out and try new things. Challenge them to learn stuff they never knew before. This will help them discover how God has wired them and move them toward becoming the best versions of themselves.
4. Leave Room to Fail.
Again, you’re not perfect—and your kid won’t be either. So, your relationship with your child has to give space for stumbling. They will learn from their mistakes. The key is making sure as many of those mistakes as possible happen while they’re still under your roof. That way, you can be there to dust them off, hug their necks, and encourage them to try again.
5. Keep the End in Mind.
I once heard a speaker say that godly parents aren’t called to raise good kids. They are called to raise great adults. Let’s be honest, parent-child relationships can be tough sledding sometimes. That’s why you’ve got to remember the real prize. You aren’t just teaching your kids how to endure childhood or adolescence. You’re preparing them for the future. That’s the real goal.
Develop Your Parent-Child Relationship with Intentionality
Admittedly, the ideas I’ve provided above are pretty broad. They are general principles that can be applied in a lot of different ways in a lot of different homes. But there are a few specific things great dads do to better their parent-child relationship.
The two biggest things are investing time and staying involved. For example, share as many meals together as you can. Eating together can be a relaxed time where you and your kids can talk about all kinds of things in a safe environment. It gives you a chance to spend time and be involved.
You also should arrange your schedule to fit as many of your child’s extracurricular activities as possible. Whether it’s a sporting event, a school play, a dance recital, or an awards ceremony, your presence will make a huge statement about the value you place on them and your relationship with them.
Finally, make time to play together. Life has a lot of serious moments, and you can’t ignore them. But remind your kids that life can be a lot of fun, as well. Let them pick what you do and then go after it with all your heart. Laugh a lot and listen a lot during those times. That’s how you’ll learn what’s really on their hearts.
Fatherhood is no accident. God has placed your children in your home for His purposes. He has wired you to raise these kids. No one else can do the job better as long as you rely on Him and give your parent-child relationship the care and attention it truly deserves.
Not sure where you’re headed as a Godly Father? Take the Godly Dad Quiz to see now.
