Wondering why your kids won’t open up? Try more questions and fewer lectures. We unpacked this on the Father on Purpose podcast. Jesus asked 307 questions and answered like three.

James 1:19 calls us to listen more and talk less—let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak. New strategy: ask more questions and give fewer lectures.

#1 Let every person…

James writes to every person—no exceptions. In the early church, careless words created conflict and crushed unity—it’s the same today. God’s wisdom is not reserved for only the calm personality; it’s for every disciple.

Next time your child pushes back or shuts down, resist another lecture (that you’ve probably already given ten times) and choose to listen first.

#2 Quick to hear…

Quick means eager and ready to listen—the opposite of impulsive. With biblical wisdom, hearing’s a big deal. God’s Word must be received before it can be obeyed. Don’t fake listening while preparing your next point—that never works.

#3 Slow to speak…

Slow means restrained, measured, and controlled—pick silence until you understand and apply what God says from His Word. Don’t we often default to reading our own opinions into Scripture instead of letting His Word correct us?

Similarly, when our kids open up, we talk instead of listening to them. Resist the urge to jump in with your opinion. If we pause, think, and ask follow-up questions—we’ll not only be listening—we’ll be looking more like believers.

A Dad’s Guide to Building a Family Budget: A good family budget isn’t just about numbers—it’s about stewardship. When finances align with God’s priorities, a household experiences greater peace, clearer purpose, and more freedom to give joyfully.

How to Ask Questions That Draw Out Your Child’s Heart: Good questions can open a child’s heart in powerful ways. This episode unpacks how humble curiosity, not constant advice, builds trust and leads to deeper conversations at home.

John Stott: “One of the greatest marks of spiritual maturity is the ability to listen.”

Tim Keller: “When we speak before we listen, we are not loving our neighbor—we are using them.”

Listening > Lecturing. Talk less—listen more. If you’re gonna speak, make your ask questions instead of making statements. Be a listener instead of a lecturer. Ask yourself these questions based on James 1:19 to get started.

#1 Let every person: When are you most tempted to act like you’re the exception to God’s instruction—at home, at work, or when stressed—are you justifying something by doing this?

#2 Quick to hear: What does “pretending to listen” look like in your role as a father? Can you tell when you’re listening to respond rather than to understand?

#3 Slow to speak: How does your speed of speech change the atmosphere of your home? What would change if you practiced pausing and asking questions before responding?

Going forward, try the strategy of listening instead of lecturing. You got this.

I hope you have a blessed Christmas with your wife, kids, and family!

Kent Evans
Author of Don’t Bench Yourself, co-founder of Manhood Journey

P.S. Was this Mountain Monday helpful? Tell me if you love it, hate it, or if there’s something you’d like in the next one.

Forward this to a dad you know who needs some encouragement.