The slap. Last week, a hot topic of national conversation was the Will Smith slap of Chris Rock at the Academy Awards. For dads, this provided no shortage of teachable moments and conversation starters. I’ll just focus on one: accurately labeling our conduct is (eventually) freeing and the only path to restoration. A few days after the incident, Mr. Smith called his actions wrong, painful and inexcusable. Clear, accurate. But, early on, there was a tone that went like this: well, love will make you do crazy things. As if the chivalric husband’s defense of his wife’s honor gave him no choice. I find great freedom in calling my actions precisely what they are. At some point in the past, I’ve apologized to my kids for being: rude, selfish, a jerk, angry, mean (that was just last Tuesday). I find those adjectives liberating. When I gloss over my sinful behavior with stuff like, “Well, dad was a little keyed up” or some other such nonsense, I create two problems. First, my kids endure a cognitive dissonance they can’t wrap their heads around (“Huh?! Him slamming the table in anger is just called being “keyed up”?). Second, I distance myself from finding the solution. If I’m an angry jerk, then, I need repentance, forgiveness and grace. If I’m just “a bit overzealous,” then what? I don’t know how to solve that (non) problem. Dads, let’s set a great example for our kids. When we blow it, don’t mince words. Call a spade a spade and admit we are wrong (1 John 1:8-9). It helps them process it correctly; and, it helps us find redemption more quickly.

Anger management: 3 Daily habits to calm you down. Looking for peace instead of anger? It’s been suggested that peace isn’t the absence of danger or conflict in your life but the presence of God. Seeking the LORD daily will bring more peace into our lives because it will bring more of Him.

The godly dad protects loved ones from danger: What does it mean to “not live in constant fear?” How do we manage fear and ignorance when parenting our kids? There’s often a balancing act between letting our kids experience the world for themselves and being overprotective. Remember that God puts up guardrails (danger), but He also puts up the promise. If we’re going to protect our loved ones from danger, we must make them aware of what threatens them physically, spiritually, and emotionally. As dads, the ability to arm those we love with truth is one of our most powerful tools.

“Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” – Benjamin Franklin

“God’s forgiveness allows us to be honest with ourselves. We recognize our imperfections, admit our failures, and plead to God for clemency.” – Jonathan Sacks

“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.” – Doug Larson

“A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.” – John C. Maxwell

Label it. What sin have you committed in the last week that you need to label accurately? You started off by calling it a less than ideal choice, or not your best moment or an overreaction. But, now you realize, upon reflection, there are more accurate adjectives you could be using. Selfish, greedy, lustful, prideful or abusive. Maybe you have some apologizing to do. As you do, see if the most accurate adjectives are in play. It’ll serve you and the recipient well, even if it stings at first. You can find repentance and grace on the other side.

Kent Evans
Author of The Manhood Journey, co-founder of Manhood Journey and Father On Purpose.

P.S. Was this Mountain Monday helpful? Tell me if you love it, hate it, or if there’s something you’d like in the next one.

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