Fathers come in all shapes and sizes. But many share a common—and dangerous—quality. They’re stressed out dads.
It’s not hard to understand why. The world seems to move faster every day. What worked as a man and as a dad yesterday feels out of touch today. Before long, a confused or frustrated father can become an overwhelmed dad.
As the stress builds, discouragement or even anger can take root. That’s why it’s so important for fathers to learn some coping techniques for dealing with stress.
Don’t deny it!
As you start thinking about how to handle stress effectively as a father, you need to remember a couple of truths. First, you’re not the only dad who’s ever dealt with stress. If you doubt that, just take a look as some biblical fathers. Abraham was probably an overwhelmed dad when God told him to sacrifice his son, Isaac, on Mount Moriah. A generation later, Isaac had struggles of his own when his son Jacob was dressing up like his brother Esau to steal a blessing—and Esau was threatening to kill Jacob for it!
Even King David struggled with fatherhood. One son was a rapist, while another was a murderer who wanted to steal the kingdom from him. Honestly, stress has been around as long as sin has been around—and it’s not going away until Jesus comes back. So, it makes sense that stressed out dads learn to manage it in a healthy way.
Next, you need to remember that ignoring stress is the worst way to handle it. Many guys are tempted to push stress down or fight through it. But both of those are losing battles. Rather than denying it, we need to face it head on. Once we do, dealing with stress becomes more realistic, like eating the elephant one bite at a time.
Tips for Managing Stress
When you can admit stress is real and refuse to act like you’re immune to it, you can begin taking healthy steps toward management. Again, you’ll never eliminate it completely. It’s always going to creep into our lives because we live in a broken and fallen world. But you can learn some coping skills to keep the beast under control.
Here are five tips for dealing with stress in a healthy way. As you manage your feelings and emotions, you’ll move past being an overwhelmed dad to something closer to the best version of yourself. And that’s good for you and your family.
1. Know your triggers (and avoid them when possible).
Stress does not exist in a vacuum. More often than not, it is triggered by something else. The trigger can be external or internal, but it’s real. And it can leave you feeling like a fatherhood failure.
For example, maybe you’re prone to procrastination. If so, it’s not hard for you to get behind on a deadline or two. As the work piles up, so does the stress. Before you know it, you’ve crossed over into “stressed out dad” territory.
Every guy is different, which means we’ll all have different triggers for stress. But if you can identify what flips your switch and navigate away from those scenarios, you can do a better job managing stress overall.
2. Set boundaries for yourself and others.
In 1992, authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend popularized the idea of setting personal limits with their book, Boundaries. Over the years, the family of Boundaries resources has grown steadily, in part because people are so bad at building—and maintaining—the relational fences we need to protect our mental and emotional health.
For many overwhelmed dads, stress takes root because they haven’t done the hard work of setting limits on their lives. Behind the tough guy persona, they are pleasers who don’t want to let people down or achievers who think they can handle whatever comes their way.
If that sounds like you, you’re setting yourself up for a fall. The only way to manage stress effectively and maintain a healthy outlook is to set boundaries for yourself and for the people in your life. Then, once they’re set, protect them for all they’re worth!
3. Create a budget . . . for your time.
Speaking of boundaries, wise financial stewardship involves establishing a budget and sticking to it. You’ve got to know how much money you have to spend and what you need to spend that money on. It’s the best way to avoid another common cause of stress: debt.
But what’s good for your paycheck is also good for your time. In fact, time really is more valuable than money. Think of it this way, you can always make more money, but you can never make more time. It’s the most precious resource you have, so don’t waste it.
Create a “time budget” that allows you to do what you need to do (like your job), but still have time to do what you want to do (like a hobby). And just like financial budgets should start with your tithe and your savings, your time budget should start with what’s most important: your family!
4. Find ways to get physical.
One great approach to dealing with stress effectively is burning it away. That means finding physical outlets. It might be a long walk in nature or a trip to the gym. The important thing is to get moving and stay active.
Sometimes, you’re going to feel the temperature rise. If you let it go, you’re going to take it out on others, especially those closest to you. You’ll be grouchy at best or unexplainably angry at worst. But exercise works out the stress, which lowers the temperature. Along with its physical benefits, regular exercise can have an incredible impact on your emotions.
5. Practice spiritual disciplines.
When God created you, He made you to thrive in a vertical relationship with Him and in horizontal relationships with others. The tie that binds those two dynamics are known as spiritual disciplines. What exercise does for the body and emotions, spiritual disciplines do for the soul and spirit.
Vertically, you were made to fellowship with your heavenly Father. He loves you, so you can talk to Him about anything in prayer. You can tell Him what you’re feeling and what’s causing you stress. You also can see what He has to say to you by digging into personal Bible study. That two-way communication with God produces wisdom, peace, and strength.
Horizontally, you were not made to go it alone. This thing we call “life” is a team sport. And if you’re going to stay off the sidelines, you’ll need other people to support you along the way. That starts with your spouse. She needs to know what’s going on in your life. It also includes relationships with other men, a band of brothers who can walk this journey with you.
Crush the stigma
Somewhere along the way, many stressed out dads have convinced themselves that seeing a professional counselor is the same as admitting defeat. They are so concerned about a so-called “stigma” associated with counseling that they miss an incredible resource that can help them stand firm and grow.
Hear me well . . . seeking the help of a professional is not a sign of weakness. To the contrary, it shows that you are strong enough (and smart enough) to use every tool in your stress-busting toolbox. It shows you care enough to do whatever it takes to heal. So, if you feel like stress is taking you down roads you don’t need to travel, find a Christian counselor or therapist who can help you identify additional coping mechanisms and navigate your way to a healthier you.
