3 Steps to Love Your Wife More Than Ever

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning first penned that poetic line in the 17th century. It points to the fact that there should be evidence of love. Proof that you can point to and “count” to demonstrate your love. This means, as you are probably aware, love is not merely feelings; it’s action, a choice we make. A choice we must keep making. While Browning listed many “countable” ways of her love, I’m giving you a handful (backoff, man, I’m no poet). Here are 3 steps to love your wife more than ever.

1. Love God.

If Christ is the center of our lives, which He most certainly should be, then every other aspect of our lives revolves around Him. Most of the times that I have had tension with my wife, I’ve found the problem lies with me far more often than it does with her. And when there is a problem with me, it is usually because something is askew in my relationship with the LORD. The opposite of this is also true.

The closer we grow to Christ, the more we will become like Him, take on His thoughts and character. Plus, the Bible states simply, “God is love.” To truly know love, we must know God. If you want your loving relationship with your wife always to grow, your relationship with God must be growing.

2. Talk to her.

Communication is key to any successful marriage. But our conversations have to sink below the surface of “How was your day? You want pizza tonight?” Talking, authentic discussions about real subject matter draws us closer to one another. And since the female of our species is more emotionally wired than the male, talking to our wives is a great way of showing our love. But, again, it must be real talk.

Because she agreed to spend the rest of her life with you (a nifty trick on your part), your wife probably has a pretty good idea of who you are. She knows you. But does she know all of you? Have you shared the deepest parts of yourself? Have you told her the things you’re ashamed of, afraid of, insecurities, doubts, dreams, goals, etc.? You know, the stuff that truly matters

As men, for most of us, our communication skills can be lacking. Many of us could survive off a 5-word vocabulary. Hungry. Tired. Angry. Football. Sex. But marriage is much more than survival. It’s a partnership, a “friendship caught on fire,” as Bruce Lee put it. That level of intimacy and understanding of one another comes through unhindered and profound conversation. For our wives to fully know and understand us, we must tell her who we are. This level of trust reveals a deepening love and bonds us in ways little else can.

3. Serve her.

Remember, love is action, not feelings. It is a choice. And the choice we have to make to love our wives more is always to put her first. Jesus once told His disciples, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Without a doubt, Jesus was speaking about the looming cross where He would literally give up His life for His friends. But I also think there is a living option to laying down our lives. That sounds weird, I know, but stick with me.

By intentionally putting our wife first (her needs, desires, feelings, and even comfort, above our own), we are, in a way, laying down our lives (our needs, desires, feeling, and comfort) for her. Jesus demonstrated His great love through sacrifice. Deep love comes through sacrifice. Show your wife how deep your love runs for her by laying down your life for hers on a daily basis.

Loving your wife requires you to take action!

So what now? Knowing the steps above isn’t nearly as important as doing them. Pick one, only one, of the 3 steps and practice them today. Practical options:

• Spend some extra time in God’s Word today and pray for your wife and marriage.
• Share something with your bride that makes you at least a little uncomfortable to talk about.
• Take on one of the family/household responsibilities your wife typically handles (if she normally cooks dinner, you do it tonight. If she normally picks up the kids from school, you do it today. Serve her by taking something off her plate).

Dad, intentionally loving our wives should be a crucial part of our everyday life.