When it comes to how to love your family, it’s common for men to struggle with connecting well. You get busy with work and, over time, start to neglect your wife and kids. How do you stop the drift of busyness and continue focusing on the most important relationships—the ones in your home—with your wife and kids?

 

Knowing how to love your family is important. They should be your priority. As time goes by, you throw yourself into your job to the point that your time with your wife and kids begins to struggle. No wonder dads will often say, “We just drifted apart.”

The focused father is intentional about connecting with his wife and kids.

The Apostle Paul had some words to say to fathers in Colossians 3:19 and 21. Verse 19 addresses your relationship with your wife, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (ESV) Your attitude toward your wife should always be characterized by love. Paul expanded this in Ephesians 5 by stating your love for your wife should reflect Christ’s love for His church.

Colossians 3:21 encourages fathers in their relationships with their children. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (ESV) This refers to repeated, ongoing behavior that leads children to experience anger and resentment which gradually builds but then turns to hostility.

So, how do we go from unfocused to focused as dads? We go from unfocused to focused by remembering our priorities. Guard against settling into a routine. Don’t get too busy that you lose sight and drift too far from shore.

You have to make intentional decisions that lead to purposeful acts to show your wife and kids how much they mean to you. In reality, the intentional things you can do with your wife and kids are pretty easy. The key is to actually do them.

Here are some ideas to help you go from unfocused to focused with your wife and kids.

Focus on your wife

#1 Send your wife a text every day, at random times, to let her know you are thinking about her.

#2 Send your wife flowers for no reason (or stop by your local grocery store with a floral department and see what kind of daily specials they have). Here’s a tip: it’s the thought and the flowers that are important, not the size or cost of the arrangement.

#3 Tell your wife you love her and hug her or put your hand on her shoulder several times a day. She has a need for non-sexual touches every day. You get bonus points for letting your kids see you hug and kiss your wife and have them hear you tell her, “I love you”.

#4 Plan, and keep, regular date nights with your wife. Once a week is ideal, once every other week is good, and once per month is a minimum. Get a sitter and go out to eat, see a movie, go bowling, or do something experiential such as painting pottery or taking ballroom dance lessons.

#5 Get up early and leave your wife a series of small love notes. Take a step further and put the notes in her car along with some balloons.

Focus on your kids

#6 Take your kids out for lunch. Just the two of you. Make a tradition they look forward to and let them pick the location.

#7 Spend every night for a month working through a devotional book with your child. The 30 Days: Turning the Hearts of Parents and Teenagers Toward Each Other is an excellent resource for a guided devotional and discussion time.

#8 Write notes to your kids. Leave them on their bathroom mirror, in their backpack, and in other places where they will find them.

#9 Surprise your kids by taking them for a special treat date, just because.

#10 Surprise them by taking them on an out-of-town trip—don’t tell them until the last possible moment!

 

 

When it comes to how to love your family, which one of these ideas will you do today?

 

More resources for focusing on how to love your family

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