Quiet desperation and learning to lead your family with no regrets

This post is from Eric Ballard. He’s written a ton for us. Thing is, he sent this article about how to lead your family before all of the quarantine and isolation stuff started happening. Think about that. I’m not saying Eric’s a prophet. But, Eric’s a prophet. Read his pre-quarantine words and insert your current story of the last six weeks into it. It’ll be fun! : )

Here’s Eric’s post:

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

Henry David Thoreau wrote those words over 160 years ago. It doesn’t seem as though man has changed much over the last century and a half. Most of us still live many of our days with those haunting questions creeping up over our shoulder, Is this it? Is this all there is to life? There’s got to be more. Quiet desperation.

It’s the “more” that we latch on to. We try to fill the need for more meaning with more stuff. More money. More hobbies. More cars. More vacation. This pursuit tends to have the opposite effect. “Stuff” is gratifying…for a while. But as soon as the newness wears off of our latest toy, that lacking feeling returns.

Thoreau went the opposite direction to find fulfillment. He spent two years living in the woods next to a pond in a cabin that he built from trees off the land. He said, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

His biggest fear was to be looking death in the eyes and realize he hadn’t lived at all. Who can’t relate to that? How many people pass through their entire lives as nothing more than spectators. So, Thoreau decided to live deliberately. To be on purpose.

During those years, Thoreau whittled down everything in life to its bare essentials.  “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms…”

By letting go of that which truly does not matter, Thoreau was able to grasp life better. While Thoreau may have been an incredible man, he was merely that, man. If we want to discover life and life to the full, it will only come through Jesus (John 10:10). And it looks as though Thoreau may have been influenced by the life of Jesus.

I’m going to assume that the Creator of life (John 1:3) knew how to live it best. And as we read through the gospels, we see Jesus didn’t hold on to a lot of “stuff.” Essentially, He was a homeless man (Luke 9:58). If “stuff” could make us happy, truly happy, Jesus wouldn’t have told the rich young man to sell all his stuff to follow after Jesus (Mark 10:21).

Jesus spent the majority of His life as a local carpenter. But when it came time to fulfill His calling, Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days to prepare (Luke 4:1). He removed all the distractions of life and focused in on only the essentials.

If you and I want to live on purpose, we must do all we can to remove the obstacles that distract us from our purpose. Clean out the junk. And if we claim to be followers of Jesus, then our purpose should line up with His. In the heart of keeping things simple, let’s look at two fundamental reasons or purposes Jesus came to earth.

First, Jesus came to live out God’s will. “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me,” (John 6:38).

For us to live a life of meaning, we must search out the will of God. Only the Creator can tell creation who it is meant to be. To know and be known by God will fill us in ways nothing else can. When we begin to remove things from our lives that have no real meaning, no eternal value, it frees us up to spend more time with our Maker. And time with God is never time wasted. Making the purpose of time with God our purpose will breathe life into our souls (Genesis 2:7).

Second, Jesus came to give His life away. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many,” (Mark 10:45).

If you are reading this blog, you probably have a family—a wife and kid(s). Your life’s purpose should be giving your life away for them. Not to be served but to serve. Letting go of life’s trivial pursuits will provide more time for our family. Turn the football game off so we can go toss the football with our son. Stop writing that work email so we can go live out the princess story with our daughter through a tea party. Put away the golf clubs so we can take our wife out on a date.

Living a life on purpose takes intentionality. We have to walk away from the distraction so we can venture out into the wilderness of life. To avoid a life of quiet desperation, live out loud. Make everyday matter. Be on purpose. Having the mindset of Christ will allow you to not live a life full of regret. In fact, you may actually find rest and peace like Paul writes about in Philippians 4:6-7:

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Question: Would your wife or kids describe you as a peaceful dad? Why or why not?