Remember that famous saying, “I hope my marriage is average at best!” Of course, you don’t. It’s never been said. While all relationships can be complicated at times, no one wants to have an unhappy marriage. Because of that, we’ll dive into some tips so you can discover how to have a happy marriage. Because all of us are broken, all relationships will have ups and downs. A pastor friend of mine once told me, “In most cases, when I have a problem with someone, I’ve noticed the problem is with me, not them.” In my experience, he was right. When I have issues with someone, I’m a big part of the problem.
Listen
I said to listen. I just wanted to repeat that because I know there’s a good chance you weren’t paying full attention. We men tend to have difficulty paying attention and listening to wives when they start talking about things that don’t interest us. But here’s the truth, if our wives are talking about something, it’s because it’s important to them. And if it’s important to them, and we want a happy marriage, it should be even more important to us. Make sure you listen—really listen—to her needs, fears, desires, hesitations, and worries. The next time you ask, “How was your day? What’s happening at work? What’s going on with your friend?” Try to stick around mentally for her response. It will pay off big time in the long run.
Honest communication
Here is another skill we aren’t naturally great at. Maybe your wife is better at it than mine, but my poor wife can’t read my mind at all. It’s like she doesn’t understand anything I’m thinking unless I tell her. Talk to your wife. Tell her what’s going on with you—good and bad—and be honest. Vulnerability goes a long way in forming strength and intimacy in a relationship. Remember that she loves you. She chose to spend her life with you. She will love you even if you share the truths about successes and failures.
Pray for her
If you want a happy marriage, prayer must be a vital part of that relationship. Pray for her. Pray for your marriage. Tell her how she can pray for you. Pray together. Ask God to bless your relationship and give you both wisdom, patience, mercy, compassion, kindness, and a whole host of godly traits.
Look to Jesus instead of your wife for completion
I’m sure your wife is awesome. Mine is. Quite a bit out of my league. But as great as my wife is, she can never complete all the damaged areas in my life. She can’t fill me with unending joy. She can’t save me from myself. Only Jesus can do any of these things. Only my Creator can transform me into the creation I am meant to be. Don’t try to make your wife be Jesus in your life. She can’t do it. It’s an impossible expectation, and it is setting her up for failure. Only Jesus brings true fulfillment.
Consider her a partner
Yes, you are called by God to be the leader of your family. Don’t mistake that calling to read God wants you to be the dictator of your family. Seeing your wife as the equal partner she is will make your marriage so much more enjoyable than if you see her as a grownup version of your kids—someone that is dependent on your guidance and instruction to make sense of this world.
Be forgiving and understanding
Don’t hold a grudge. Definitely don’t use the silent treatment. And never “punish” your wife for mistakes she makes. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, so come close, so no one else hears…a little closer…you make mistakes every day. I know. It surprised me too. Because we need understanding and forgiveness almost daily, we better be quick to give it back in return. Of course, your wife will make mistakes but always assume she has good intentions. I can almost promise you your wife doesn’t want to hurt you intentionally. So, if your goal is a happy marriage, offer forgiveness rather than a fight when she messes up.
Say, “I’m sorry”
These truly are magic words. They can bring healing quicker than almost anything out there. If you and your wife are at a standoff, be the first one to say I’m sorry. It has an amazing way of breaking down walls and restoring relationships. Remember that last point; you are called to lead your family. Lead the way on this point as well, be the first to say these magical words.
Marriage isn’t perfect
Every day won’t be a happy day in your marriage. But if you put in the effort and give these above suggestions a try, you will have a happier marriage overall. It makes for a more enjoyable life as well.
