“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” —Galatians 5:22-23
How to handle negative feedback.
I was on a call recently with a man named Tim. Tim and I work on a volunteer committee together. It’s been a challenge, for myriad reasons. The people, the tasks, some degree of confusion. In some ways, it’s extremely typical volunteer stuff. We don’t always get clear direction, the support we need, the funding, or the follow-through from other leaders.
We both have been around long enough to know that’s just life in a volunteer-driven organization, to some degree. But, even so, we were wrestling with the next steps and how we could improve the situation. Some of the ideas centered around how we were running things.
Those who have worked with me know I’m usually animated and blunt. Sometimes, that’s a good passion which rallies people to the cause. Often, it’s heavy-handed and straight-up rude. I’m still a work-in-process. I’m frequently convicted about things like the fruit of the Spirit including peace, kindness, and gentleness.
After our call, I sent him an email and apologized for my tone and over-the-top directness. Which, can we agree, that’s at least some progress? I see it now. Yay!
His email back to me led with this line:
“I understand your use of animation and bluntness and received it plainly and without injury. No need to apologize, but thank you for saying so anyway.”
First off – what in the world? Who says, “…received it plainly and without injury.” Not only is this dude humble and gracious, but he’s also eloquent. Points for both content and style.
Second – he received it. Plainly. Without injury.
He received it.
I often liken the art of receiving counsel to that of a baseball catcher’s skill. The really great catchers become adept at handling any and all sorts of pitches. They can snag high hard ones, track looping curves and dig splitters out of the dirt. They don’t concern themselves with how the pitches are served up. They just do their part to catch them. They’re expert receivers.
How to handle negative feedback: what NOT to do.
As dads, husbands, workers, volunteers, and leaders—the question is NOT, “Does everyone around me give me feedback juuuust the way I want it? Nice and sweet, served up gently on a satin pillow with some rose petals tossed in?”
How to handle negative feedback: what TO do.
Rather, if we’re going to really be pros at the game of spiritual and leadership growth—the questions ARE, “Can you receive feedback? Plainly? Without injury? Are you able to catch the pitch, regardless of how it’s delivered?”
What Tim did was demonstrate a whole bunch of godly characteristics all at once. He was open, friendly, humble, gracious, and kind. He had a posture of learning and self-examination. He was willing to overlook my method and peer into my message to see if anything there was true, right, or worthy of attention.
How often have we rejected feedback just based on the method of the person delivering it? Have you ever been caught up in the obvious faults of the other person, which somehow, you believed excused you from looking inside? “Oh yeah? I’m a jerk? Well, you’re not perfect either!”
In two eloquent lines in an email, Tim put on a master class of maturity. He demonstrated that despite my clumsy, critical, and caustic approach, he could overlook it and receive the feedback.
He’s a pro.
How about you? Can you catch “feedback pitches” no matter how they’re thrown? Are you teaching your kids to do the same?
Your mission
Ask your child for honest feedback. Ask, “What’s one thing I could improve on as a dad?” If you have more than one child, ask each child individually.
Need a bigger mission? Ask your wife the same thing! : )
More resources on how to handle negative feedback.
Here are four ways you can get the help you need for handling negative feedback.
- Read the post: What makes a good dad—behaviors that may be holding you back
- Snag an eBook right now and conquer your most-pressing challenge.
- Get the extra help you need for leading, communicating, and discipling your kids.
- Find the tools you need to lead your son or a small group of dads and sons?
