When I think about ways you can learn how to emotionally connect with your child, I see a perfect illustration out my front window.
A couple of years ago, a large branch broke off a tree in our front yard during a storm. On its way down, though, it got wedged in another group of branches. As a result, it actually looks like it’s coming out of the tree like other limbs, even though it’s not connected.
Of course, the leaves on that limb dried up long ago, creating a stark contrast between it and the branches that are still part of the tree.
Learning how to emotionally connect with your child can keep your relationship from becoming like that dead limb. By staying emotionally connected to your kid, you can ensure a healthy, strong relationship. Otherwise, things might look good for a while, but the damage will show up over time.
The Importance of Emotional Connections
As a man concerned with both faith and family, you probably understand the power and influence you hold as a dad. And you probably recognize that your children look to you for stability as they inch closer to their own adulthood. Knowing how to emotionally connect with your child plays a vital role in assuring your kids that they are safe and secure.
In addition, making that kind of emotional connection with your kids lays the groundwork for important steps down the road. Like any relationship, your bond with your children is based on trust. The sooner they know they can trust you, the easier it will be for you to help them navigate rough waters that are bound to arise later on.
Of course, nurturing an emotional connection with your child isn’t easy. The world is moving faster than it ever has, and all of us—parents and kids alike—feel much busier than our parents and grandparents did. We have more distractions to overcome.
That doesn’t excuse or diminish our responsibility to emotionally bond with our sons and daughters. It just means we have to be more intentional. We have to make it a priority.
“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it”
Proverbs 22:6
Seven Ways to Emotionally Connect with Your Child
Just thinking about how to emotionally connect with your child might tie you up in knots. After all, some guys never had a solid male role model who taught them how to make and maintain emotional connections. Others have bought into the lie that emotions aren’t manly. A few just aren’t naturally wired that way.
Still, discovering how to emotionally connect with your child is one of the most important things you can do as a father. If it’s pushing you out of your comfort zone, that’s OK. You’re not alone. We’re here to help.
With that in mind, here are seven tips for learning how to emotionally connect with your child.
1. Say a prayer.
While we’re talking about building emotional connections with our kids, we can’t ignore our spiritual connection with God. He knows you and your children better than you know yourselves, and He can provide the wisdom and courage to step forward. You need His help, so don’t be afraid to ask. After all, He’s a perfect father and wants to help you follow His example.
2. Create a plan.
Nurturing an emotional connection with your kids is not like flipping a switch, and it’s not going to happen by accident. This is going to take time and intentionality. So, create a plan for making it happen. Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, along with what your kids need most from you. Determine what becomes a priority and what needs to move to the back burner. Building a solid plan of action is a great step toward building a solid emotional connection with your child.
3. Make a physical connection.
Earlier, we emphasized how spiritual connections relate to emotional connections with your child. Physical connections are important too. Simple things like hugs, fist bumps, and high-fives are a great place to start. Even if physical touch is not your primary love language, appropriate physical connections communicate love and security, which leads to stronger emotional bonds.
4. Listen to them.
Another key to learning how to emotionally connect with your child is discovering what’s on their heart. For that, you need to ask good questions and listen carefully to their answers. These can be “curiosity questions” that provide explanations or “clarifying questions” that allow deeper understanding. Again, this requires time, so unplug your technology and give them your full attention. That’s the only way to find out more about your child’s life.
5. Build traditions.
Strong relationships look for what’s reliable. In a world of shifting sands, a solid foundation gives your kids something they can count on, which helps them count on you. So, build traditions into the fabric of your relationship. For example, I have a friend who has weekly “bagel dates” with his daughter—complete with photos posted to social media. It’s a tradition that has helped him build a strong connection with her over several years. Your ritual might look different, but it can yield the same positive results.
6. Get into their world.
I have three adult kids, and they are as different as the day is long. When they were younger, I had to be intentional about plugging into their interests instead of expecting them to embrace mine. So, I watched a lot of sports and listened to country music with one, saw movies and listened to 80s rock with another, and spent time shopping and listening to Taylor Swift with the third. It was my way of meeting them where they were and opening doors for great emotional connections.
7. Let them into your world.
Just like you want to lean into their world, you also can emotionally connect with your children by letting them into yours. This is more than just “taking your kid to work day.” This is allowing them to walk with you in the good and the bad of life. It’s about being vulnerable and honest about your wins and losses. More than anything, it’s about letting your words and actions express how you feel about them—not simply assuming they know.
A Dad’s Work is Never Done
I mentioned earlier that I have three kids. They’re all grown now—including one who has a wife and child of his own. But I still work to emotionally connect with them.
For example, on my last birthday, I wanted to do something that would bring the whole family together. So, we staged a “murder mystery” where everyone was a suspect. We laughed so hard as we tried to figure out “who done it.” It was better than I could have imagined.
I tell you that story to remind you of this simple truth: finding ways to emotionally connect with your kids is a lifelong journey. You can build a great foundation while they’re living under your roof, but don’t stop once they’ve moved out. Continue practicing the seven suggestions listed above.
Over time, nurturing those emotional connections will transform the toughest job you’ve ever had into one of the best parts of your life as a dad!
Not sure where you’re headed as a Godly Father? Take the Godly Dad Quiz to see now.
