In the English language, some words just naturally go together. For example, few of us ever use the word “wreaking” without “havoc.” We talk about things like “marking time,” “abject poverty,” and “ulterior motives.” And when it comes to relationships, we often discuss how to build trust—because trust isn’t automatic; it has to be developed over time.
That’s a big one for dads because building trust in parenting relationships is a game-changer. All of us want our kids to trust us, but it doesn’t come naturally. Trust has to be earned, and the unique challenges of fatherhood can make that difficult.
As Time Goes By
Most kids start out trusting their parents almost by default. As young children, their fathers cast the longest shadows in their lives. In their minds, it wouldn’t make sense not to trust their dads.
But things do change over time, and new obstacles might knock you off your game. Maybe you let them down a time or two. Maybe they buy in to the skepticism of the world. Maybe they see friends whose parents aren’t trustworthy and wonder if they might be next. The holes in that boat can spring from any number of directions, but the final result makes it more challenging to build trust and strengthen your parent-child relationships.
So, where do you start? Look to your heavenly Father. He understands what it’s like to have kids who don’t trust Him—and He’s the most perfect Parent imaginable! He’s certainly not going to push you aside or ignore your concerns. Trust Him, at least as much as you want your kids to trust you.
You’re His child, and He has so much to offer you as a Father. He won’t let you down.
The Be’s of Earning Trust
As you learn to trust your heavenly Father for His good gifts (Matthew 7:9-11; James 1:17), you’ll start to plug into His wisdom as an earthly dad. When you spend more time with Him, His character and priorities will rub off on you. He will show you the best path toward building trust as a parent.
As you continue to grow as a godly dad, you can take some practical steps toward strengthening your relationships with your kids. In the list below, you’ll find five “be” statements for building trust with your children. These steps aren’t complicated, but they also aren’t easy. They will take some effort; but, then again, anything worth experiencing does.
Be Present
Time is the most precious commodity in human history. We only have a limited amount. Every tangible measure of success in this world can be regained if it’s lost. But every second that slips by is gone for good. That makes time incredibly important. Being available strengthens parent-child relationships by nurturing security in your kids and paving the way for deeper connections.
But your availability has to go beyond your physical presence, as important as that may be. You also need to be emotionally available for them, giving them a chance to share their feelings and empathizing with them. Time spent on spiritual matters is another key to building trust. Take time to show them why God matters to you—and why He should matter to them.
Be Proactive
The old cliché states that “good things come to those who wait.” That may be true in some contexts, but not in strengthening parent-child relationships. You’ll need to take the initiative if you’re going to build trust with your kids.
Of course, this takes intentional planning and intentional effort. Being present is awesome, but it’s not enough. You have to show your children that you care about their world. So, take the first step. For example, ask questions—and really hear their answers. Don’t be too quick to respond with advice. That will come in time, as you learn to listen and they learn to trust.
Be an Example
Most kids go through spells when they act like they’re the smartest people in the room. Truth is, that’s usually an act. Down deep, they know they don’t have all (or even most) of the answers in life. They recognize they need solid role models. And, as a parent, you’re in a great position to fill that need in their lives.
Of course, that means living out the example you want them to follow. You can’t lean into a “do as I say, not as I do” approach if you’re focused on strengthening parent-child relationships. Kids have an incredibly sensitive “hypocrisy meter,” and you’ll never earn trust if your walk doesn’t match your talk. So, pay attention to the example you set.
Be Reliable
Here’s a great trust-building activity for your family: ask each family member to identify a promise they appreciated someone keeping and a promise they were disappointed to see go unkept. Along with nurturing confidence in your family as a safe space to share, it highlights the importance of reliability and integrity.
Promises are the language of trust, and broken promises speak louder than you can imagine. So, keeping your promises is crucial to building trust as a parent. You don’t trust people who don’t honor their word to you, and your kids won’t be able to trust you if you can’t honor your word to them. So, don’t make rash vows you can’t keep. Just like in business, it’s always better to under-promise and over-deliver than the other way around.
Be Real
This is a biggie when it comes to building trust as a parent. In fact, if you can get this one right, the other pieces of the puzzle will fall into place much easier. But here’s the thing: “important” doesn’t mean “simple.” Transparency pushes us out of our comfort zone because it wrecks our myth of “parental perfection.”
Truth is, we’ve all got dark corners in our lives that we’d rather avoid. We have those days when our words could slice rocks and our attitudes are as sour as lemons. Those are the days when we’re most likely to hurt the ones we love—including our kids. If that happens (and it will) own up to your shortcomings. Seek forgiveness. Say, “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.”
You might just be surprised at how much grace your kids can show—and how being real with them can strengthen your parent-child connections.
Trust Breeds Trust
As you think about building trust as a parent, here’s something else to consider. One great way to earn trust with your kids is by showing that you trust them. Build stronger connections by giving your children opportunities to earn your trust.
Trust-building activities within your family can take several forms. You might assign them an important task around the house or offer them a little more freedom outside your home. You could send them on errands or encourage them to join you in serving others in the community.
It needs to be age-appropriate, and you need to monitor their progress. But as they prove themselves trustworthy and deserving of greater responsibilities, they will come to trust you more as well. But, whether they fail or succeed, demonstrate unconditional love and keep the lines of communication open.
That will make a huge difference in their lives as only building trust can do.
