How to become a better dad: when you feel like giving up—don’t

How to become a better dad: when you feel like giving up—don’t.

I was speaking at a men’s event recently and this gentleman comes up to me. Immediately, before he even opened his mouth—I know I liked him. Why? Because I could tell he was very passionate! He was dressed prototypically for the role he has in life. He was a farmer and he had every indication of being a farmer. Flannel shirt? Check. Big belt buckle? Check. Cool hat? Check. Man, I could never pull off a hat like he had!

So, this guy comes up and wants to talk about a big challenge he’s facing. He explained his challenge was TIME—how much time he had to work and how little time he seems to have for leading his family.

As we talked, the thought I had was not so much about his being time-constrained. Now, I couldn’t know or advise whether he could cut a field faster and save some time. I’m not a farmer, so I didn’t go there.

But, the part of his situation that broke my heart was that he felt like he didn’t have any options—that he was in a hopeless situation.

I quickly explained to him—my concern wasn’t his time. Many dads travel and they’re gone a lot more time than he is. Many dads, by the time they work and travel, their amount of time at home is roughly the same as this farmer.

I pointed out—the sad for me was he believed his time was unredeemable. He truly believed he didn’t have any options AND that he could never get better. I explained that he was believing a lie. And, that he didn’t have to keep believing that lie—that God could work through all of his current struggles.

I watched his demeanor change. He went from talking about his lack of time to simply saying, “Yeah, you know what, I just feel defeated.”

I got the sense, by the way he said that last line to me, that TIME wasn’t the only thing that made him feel defeated.

Here’s what I know for sure, he’s consistent with what we hear all the time from dad’s like yourself.

Here’s the truth: most dads walk around feeling defeated. Now, it may be for other reasons. It may be that:

• your kids are making bad choices
• a rough patch in your marriage
• financial troubles or stresses

I don’t know your specific struggle as a dad right now. But, if you’re like thousands of dads we’ve talked to over the years, there is a temptation to feel defeated.

There’s a stretch of Scripture I’d like to walk through with you. It’s about this notion of feeling defeated as a dad. The center verse I want you to key in on is Galatians 6:9 that says:

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

As a dad, the command that Paul’s given us is—do not give up.

If you go back to chapter 5, at the end of the letter to the church of Galatia. Verse 5:16 says, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

Paul continues writing about being led by the Spirit and about the works of the flesh and immorality. He goes on to write about the fruit of the Spirit. He says, “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience…” Then, he says in verse 25, “If we live by the Spirit let us also keep in step with the Spirit…let us not become conceited…”

That’s the lead up to what’s right before the stretch about how to treat each other. So, if you look at Galatians 6:1-3. It’s how to treat the brothers in the faith. Then, Paul gets to verse 9, “and let us not grow weary…”

So, what’s the connection? The connection is, if we’re walking by our own power, we’re going to grow weary. If we’re walking by the Spirit, that’s the power we need to not be discouraged and not give up.

So, we can’t keep staring at our situation and letting it determine our energy, enthusiasm, and hope. No, look into the things of the Spirit. When we look to the Spirit, we’ll find strength, hope, and energy.

Your situation may be troubling. But, Paul tells us to not give up—for in due time—we will reap a harvest if we faint not.

Your mission for how to become a better dad.

I want you to identify the areas where you’re most tempted to give up right now.

Here are some examples:

Finances: You might have been in a rough patch for the last year or more financially. Maybe your current stress is money related and you feel like you need to give up. Is this you?

Kids and consequences: Maybe your thoughts move to your kids and the decisions they’ve made recently. They’ve made so many bad choices lately—will they ever get it?!

Anger: Maybe you struggle with anger and can’t seem to get it licked. You’ve been battling it forever.

Which area are you struggling with right now? Where are you tempted to simply give up?

Write down the area or areas where you’re tempted to give up. That’s it. Just write it down. See what God does with that.