No father worth his salt plans to fail. All of us want to be a good dad. We want to be the hero of our kid’s story, the knight in shining armor.

But wanting to be a great dad isn’t enough. Even if we learn all the ingredients for what makes a great father, we’ll still fall short if we don’t live them out each day. 

Great dads don’t happen by accident. They have a plan.

Connecting the Pieces

Even as an adult, my daughter loves puzzles. When she lived at home, she liked nothing better than setting up the folding card table in the living room and connecting the pieces. In fact, it was one of the things that we enjoyed doing together.

Learning what makes a good dad is a lot like working a puzzle. It’s a process that comes with a lot of pieces. When those pieces are scattered, they don’t make much sense. But when we’re able to make the right connections, a beautiful picture takes shape. 

If you want to become a great father, you’ve got to examine the pieces and understand how they work together to make sense of things. That happens when you commit to making them a part of your life each day. This practical application is what moves successful fatherhood from theory to real life.

Below, I’ve listed seven steps you can take now to start moving toward being a great dad. I’m sure the list isn’t exhaustive. As you talk with mentors and dive deeply into God’s Word for wisdom, you’re sure to find more actions that make a good father. But these will get you moving in the right direction—a direction that will make a difference in your life and in the lives of your kids.

Point them to Jesus

As a dad, you have a lot of responsibilities. But no responsibility is greater than your role as the spiritual leader of your household. Leaders at church can assist with your child’s spiritual development, but God has designed faith to grow best when it’s nurtured at home.

Of course, this begins with your own personal relationship with God, and you need to lead your kids toward a similar relationship with Him. It also helps if you find a place to plug in at church and actively serve others. Jesus said that a man who gains the world gains nothing if he loses his soul (Matthew 16:24-28). Likewise, great dads don’t miss the mark when it comes to leading their children spiritually.

Give the gift of time

Over the centuries, guys have sacrificed a lot to gain riches and wealth. They’ve fallen for the myth that gold and silver are life’s most valuable assets. In reality, time is our most precious resource. It can’t be hoarded, and it doesn’t collect interest; but true success is found in using it wisely.

While luxuries are nice in their own way, your kids would rather have a dad who spends time with them. They want a father who invests in them through conversations and active involvement. You will never grasp what makes a good father until you understand the impact of quality time.

Challenge them

Admittedly, there’s a fine line between challenging your kids to never settle and hovering over them like a helicopter parent. You don’t want to smother your children or live vicariously through them, but you can support them and encourage them to take chances and to move outside their comfort zone.

To make sure you’re not crossing the line, keep a close eye on your motivations. If your words and actions are rooted in love, you’ll be in good shape. But if you’re worried about how your kids’ actions will reflect on your reputation, you’re on thin ice. Always challenge them to reach higher—without dragging them down.

Honor their mother

One of the greatest gifts any father can give his kids is to love and respect their mother. This teaches boys how to treat the women in their lives, and it helps girls set a proper expectation for how they should be treated by men. This can make a difference for generations.

Even if you’re divorced, you still can honor the mother of your children. It might not be easy all the time, but it is vital to helping your kids avoid relational and emotional pitfalls that can devastate them. It’s a hallmark of being a great father.

Demonstrate transparency

Sometimes, men fool themselves into thinking their kids expect perfection. Unfortunately, we’re all sinners in need of a Savior, so we will never be perfect in any meaningful sense this side of heaven. We will always fall short.

Thankfully, your kids understand that. They know you can’t be perfect. They just want you to be honest about your shortcomings. They want a relationship built on trust and security. Being humble enough to admit when you’re wrong—and to ask for forgiveness when needed—can be a huge step toward learning what makes a great dad.

Live with integrity

While transparency is important, it’s only one side of the coin. Integrity represents the other side. Living with integrity means living with wholeness. Your character isn’t divided. You are the same person at home that you are at church. Your private life matches your public persona.

Integrity is part of what makes a great dad for a couple of reasons. First, it assures your kids that they can trust you. They don’t have to wonder who you are or how you’ll respond to a given situation. Second, it teaches them how to be men and women of integrity. You can encourage them to “do as I do” instead of falling back on the hypocritical flimsiness of “do as I say.”

Embrace affection

For a lot of guys, this could be the hardest part of being a good father. You may have been raised in a home where affection was absent. You never saw or experienced affection, so you honestly don’t know how to express it to your children. If that’s you, remember that you have a heavenly Father who provides a greater example of love and affection than even the best human dads can offer. Receive His love and learn what it means to be His child. He will teach you how to give your kids the physical, verbal, and emotional support they need to thrive. Plus, they won’t feel the need to fill that void in unhealthy ways.

Try This for Starters

You know the importance of learning what makes a good father, and you understand the urgency of putting those principles into practice. If you’re still struggling with where to start, try this practical step: share meals with your family.

Consistently, research has underscored the importance of dads taking time to eat meals at home with their families. The time invested around the dinner table can speak volumes to them, and the conversations sparked while breaking bread together can change lives. It’s a really simple commitment, but it has the potential to pay huge dividends.

Finally, be patient with yourself. As we said, you’re not perfect, and you’re going to make mistakes, especially at the beginning. But stick with the plan. Continue looking for ways to become a good father and keep leaning into God when you feel like you’re in over your head. 

You can do this!