How to Be a Godly Husband

When my fiancée and I were getting ready to tie the knot, the pastor performing the ceremony wanted to meet with us for some premarital counseling. So, we spent an hour or so in his office talking about a variety of things. However, I don’t remember him saying anything about how to be a godly husband.

Actually, I think it was probably assumed that I would be. After all, my soon-to-be wife and I were believers, and we were planning to be active in our local church. We were committed to learning more about Jesus and raising any kids we might have to believe in Him as well. We were definitely on the right track.

But now, more than three decades into our marriage, I have learned something very important: you can’t assume that you know how to be a godly husband. You have to work it out every single day

Listen to Manhood Journey’s Father’s Day Special for Dads. Listen now.

Acting Naturally

Psychologists and counselors often talk about “nature versus nurture.” In other words, how much of our behavior is the result of our DNA (our nature), and how much is the result of our environment and the choices we make (things we nurture)?

Well, this probably won’t come as a shock to anyone, but I’m not godly by nature. Neither are you. It took Jesus’s death on the cross to exchange our sin for His godliness. And, since godliness isn’t a part of our nature, it’s something we need to nurture in our lives. That’s true in every part of our Christian life, including our desire to be a godly husbands.

Of course, God is the only One who can transform us into His image and teach us how to be a godly husbands. But we can begin doing some things that will help us connect with His plans and purposes for our marriage. These habits can help us become the men our wives long for us to be. They can help us become godly husbands.

Nurturing Godliness

To learn how to be a godly husband, it helps to remember that we’re imitating God. If we act like Him and see our wives the way He sees them, we can nurture godliness in our lives—and that will carry over into our marriages. With that in mind, here are five characteristics of God that can help us become godly husbands.

1. Love. This seems like a no-brainer, especially since the Bible commands explicitly husbands to love their wives like He loves the church. But for godliness to take root, we need to make sure our priorities are straight in terms of love.

We love God first—even ahead of our wives. We are created for relationships, and the most important relationship we have is with Him. But as we draw closer to Him, we also draw closer to our wives.

2. Kindness. One of God’s greatest qualities is His incredible kindness, and husbands should also demonstrate kindness toward their wives. The apostle Peter challenged men to live with understanding toward their wives because they are a weaker vessel. That doesn’t mean our wives are fragile or inferior, but it does mean that we should show them patience and strive to understand how to love them well.

Kindness is also part of the Holy Spirit’s fruit. It’s something He’s known for, so it fits nicely within our goal of becoming godly husbands.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
(Galatians 5:22-23)

3. Humility. One sign of being a godly husband is being able to lead your family in the ways of God. Wives appreciate husbands who embrace the responsibility of spiritual and moral leadership. But we have to remember that our leadership involves partnership. It should reflect humility and put the needs of others (especially our wives) above ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

4. Provision. The apostle Paul didn’t pull any punches when he talked about how husbands need to provide for their families. He said that any man who shirked that responsibility was worse than an unbeliever (2 Timothy 5:8). That was saying a lot when you consider how pagans lived in the first century!

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be part of a two-income family. In fact, Proverbs 31 talks about women who bless their families through their hard work (Proverbs 31:13-22). But it does mean that godly husbands are accountable to Christ for meeting their family’s needs.

5. Praise. Since God is God, He doesn’t need to praise anyone else. In fact, He deserves all praise and glory from us. But the fact that He is worthy of praise should remind godly husbands that their wives are also worthy of praise on a human level. In fact, that same chapter in Proverbs that highlights a woman’s diligence also emphasizes how husbands should go out of their way to build their wives up with praise (Proverbs 31:28-30).

Season with Prayer

Kind words and actions are great, and godly husbands need to make the most of those tools as they love their wives and strengthen their marriages. But don’t forget one other great gift you can share with her: your prayers. A godly man prays for his wife and for his marriage.

If you have the desire to become a godly husband and father, you’re desiring a great thing. With some practice and perseverance, God can help you nurture the attitudes and actions that will make you the man He created you to be—the man your family needs you to be.