How fathers can avoid becoming like Dr. Frankenstein

There are few guys I enjoy a cup of coffee with more than my friend Armon. He has a great sense of humor. He’s also got a keen mind. He makes me think. The coffee isn’t the only thing from our meetings with an aftertaste. While we met last week, he brought up an interesting viewpoint that got me thinking about how my behavior might be influencing my sons.

How my behavior might be influencing my sons

He mentioned the old novel, Frankenstein. He reminded me the monster Dr. Frankenstein created wasn’t named “Frankenstein.” But, eventually the creature and creator became synonymous. The monster builder became inextricably linked to it.

We discussed how our society is like “Dr. Frankenstein”. We create monsters that we come to despise, but they’re on a rampage we can’t stop. Greed. Megalomania. Self-promotion. Lust. Pride.

I believe this issue is deeper than just being Made In America. It’s a condition of the heart. I don’t believe we do this because we’re Americans. I believe we do it because we’re humans.

This is true in our own homes. Even though I want to be an intentional father, I get it wrong quite often. I’ve yelled this at my sons, “We don’t scream at other people when we’re angry!” True story.

What I sometimes see are the things I’ve “put into” my kids coming back at me. I don’t like what I see and feel responsible for this “creation” and I want to keep it from roaming the streets.

I realize my sons aren’t mindless beings without a conscience. They make conscious choices, especially as they mature. I didn’t cook them up in my laboratory. I’m not a failure just because they make unwise choices.

However, I’ve got to be honest. Have I influenced some of their negative tendencies?

They gripe about their teachers. Is that because they’ve overheard how I talk about my boss?
They approach church like a “consumer” giving a rating. Is that because of my weekly drive-home-sermon-critique?
They harshly rebuke their siblings. Is that a playback of how I talk to them when I’m frustrated?

I know many fathers feel like they’re failing. Our recent survey on biblical fatherhood validated this. Perhaps you’re one of them. The purpose of this post isn’t to pile on while you’re down. But, I see freedom, optimism, and opportunity in this area.

If I can honestly see how my behavior might be influencing my sons, I have options.

This awareness is the beginning of the solution. Here are three things you can do if you notice this tendency in your home:

PRAY about it! Ask God to shape your heart, mind, words and actions in a way that glorifies him and sets a good example for your children.
TALK it out! Admit to your kids and your spouse when you blow it. This is a pressure release for your family, and lets them know you’re aware.
MOVE on! Romans 8:1 reminds us there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Embrace this truth. Don’t let yesterday’s mistakes hold you back.

Worst case: arm your family with pitchforks and torches. At least they can use those to keep us in check!

Kent Evans is Co-Founder and Executive Director of Manhood Journey. Kent is married to April and they have five sons. He lives in Louisville, Kentucky, serves at Southeast Christian Church and is the author of Wise Guys, Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You. Learn more about Kent here and find him on Twitter @AKentEvans.