Being a dad is hard work. Research confirms that fathers play a significant role in the lives of their children. Whether infants, toddlers, children, or teenagers, the relationship between dads and kids makes a difference.
For disengaged fathers, the results are primarily negative. Sons and daughters of absent or neglectful fathers tend to do worse in school and experiment with dangerous behaviors sooner. In contrast, the children of engaged fathers demonstrate healthier attitudes and behaviors and are better prepared for adulthood.
Simply put, engaged fathers guide their children toward positive outcomes in life. They build a legacy that touches not only their sons and daughters, but generations to come.
Shaping the future
The relationship between dads and kids can be tense at times. Any man who has been a dad for more than a minute understands the doubts and questions that come with the job. But the relationship between fathers and children is so vital that it demands our attention.
That’s one reason Manhood Journey has dedicated itself to providing resources and support for fathers. Among those resources are the State of Biblical Fatherhood Report, the Father on Purpose podcast, and books like Don’t Bench Yourself.
But while resources and support for fathers are great, you can also take some practical steps right now to make a difference in the lives of your children. You can become the engaged father they need. Here are five things to remember as you strive to play a significant role in the lives of your kids.
Engaged dads lead spiritually.
Dads have a ton of responsibilities, but the most important job you’ll ever have is being the spiritual leader of your home. As a father, God has given you the task of pointing your kids toward a personal relationship with Him and teaching them what it means to live out a genuine faith every day.
You make this happen in two ways. First, you help them engage with God’s Word and prayer in the home. You can do this through things like family devotions or through conversations about faith in “teachable moments” of life. Second, you manage your own spiritual life well. You practice spiritual disciplines that will help you become more like Jesus so your kids can catch you being faithful each step of the way. They will learn and imitate what they see in you.
Engaged dads are present.
As a dad, you spell love as T-I-M-E. It’s been said many times, but that doesn’t diminish its truth. Dads and kids need to spend time together if they are going to create the bonds that last a lifetime and beyond.
Thankfully, there are plenty of fun activities that you can enjoy with your sons and daughters. Many of them are simple and free, but all of them allow fathers to play a significant role in the lives of their children. In the end, your kids won’t care whether you went on a hike or spent the day at an amusement park. They will just remember that their dad took the time to be with them.
Engaged dads listen.
Being present often means providing a listening ear. Let’s face it: we have more life experience than our kids. And we’re wired to provide advice at a moment’s notice. We feel like we have the answer to almost any question they can toss our way.
But our kids usually need our ears more than our words. They don’t want us to fix the problem. They just need us to listen to their hearts. And, if necessary, to sit with them in silence for a while. Listening puts dads and kids on level ground, which is exactly what our children need sometimes. They need to know we care, and we demonstrate that by really listening to them.
Engaged dads teach history.
Recently, my wife and I have been watching an old show called “The Waltons.” Yes, I realize that might not seem like the most exciting streaming binge watch today, but we like it. One of the things I love most about the show is how the members of the Walton family remain connected to their past. Even as they struggle with their present realities—rural life during the Depression and World War II—they never lose sight of their roots.
Sure, it can be corny at times, but I see a lot of truth lived out by this semi-fictional family. As an engaged dad, you build the future by plugging your kids into their past and reminding them why it’s important. You’re a family history teacher with an eye on tomorrow. As your children know where they came from, they can see where they need to go more clearly.
Engaged dads let kids dream . . . and fail.
This might be the toughest part of being an engaged dad because none of us enjoys seeing our kids hurting. We want to protect them from failure; but, at the same time, we run the risk of smothering a fire.
Fathers and children have always had different ideas about what to try and what to quit. That’s not going to change. So, as an engaged father, you’ve got to give your sons and daughters some freedom to try new things. After all, it’s better for them to fail as kids while they’re under your roof than to never get the chance and fail in the world as adults.
The greatest of these is love
In his first letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul stated that faith, hope, and love are the three great lasting values in life. And of the three, he wrote, “…the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).
As a dad, love is the greatest gift you can give your kids. All the principles of engaged dads and their kids mean nothing without love. It’s the cement that holds each brick of a godly home firmly in place.
Thankfully, love also covers up a lot of mistakes. You’re human, which means you’re not perfect. You’re going to slip up and struggle as a dad from time to time. But if your kids know that you love them more than anything else, they will be quick to forgive and move forward.
Fathers play a significant role in the lives of their children. Love is what makes it possible.
