Of all the tough tasks we face as men and as members of the human race, resolving conflict with grace may top the list. In fact, many of us have probably asked at some point, “How did Jesus handle conflict?” No matter how you slice it, conflict is hard and it’s unpleasant. And while conflict can be fertile ground for spiritual growth, it also tends to bring out the worst in us.
Of course, God has wired each of us uniquely according to His plans and purposes. And that personal wiring influences our approach to conflict. Many, like me, seek to avoid conflict whenever possible. Others are more comfortable stepping into the fray. Regardless of our emotional makeup, we need solid tools for handling conflicts as men.
That’s where Jesus comes in.
Even a quick scan of the Gospels (the biblical books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) remind us that Jesus faced a lot of conflict during His time on earth. For example, on one day, He dealt with family members who thought He was crazy and with enemies who believed He was possessed by demons (Mark 3:20-22). Other times, He had to mediate self-centered squabbles among His closest followers (Luke 9:46-48).
Since Jesus is completely human, He understood the reality of conflict. Because he is completely God, He handled these conflicts perfectly. In other words, He’s the ultimate Source for learning how to resolve conflict with grace.
Trouble’s coming
Jesus never pulled punches. He always saw things exactly as they were and diagnosed every situation accurately. As a result, He never shied away from the reality that conflict is simply a part of life. It’s going to happen.
And since handling conflict is part of being a man, we need to focus on resolving conflict with grace. On the night before He was crucified, Jesus told His disciples that they would face suffering (John 16:33). If the world hated Him, it absolutely would hate them as well (John 15:18-21). They would face conflict—no way around it.
Of course, history has proven Jesus correct. Across the globe, many of His followers are suffering because they are loyal to His name. In our culture, the conflict looks different. But we should never be surprised when we need to follow Jesus’s example for dealing with disputes or adopt Jesus’s approach to forgiveness. We live in a fallen world, so conflict is a part of life.
The “direct” approach
While Jesus recognized that conflict is going to happen, He never shied away from it. He always addressed difficult people and difficult conversations head on and with integrity. He took what might be called the “direct” approach.
One of the most familiar examples was when Jesus rebuked Peter in Mark 8. He had been talking about what awaited Him in Jerusalem. The religious leaders—a constant source of conflict for Jesus—were ready to silence Him permanently, so He gave His disciples a clear picture of what was going to happen.
That’s when Peter decided to “correct” Jesus’s theology. The former fisherman “took him aside and began to rebuke him” (Mark 8:32). In response, the Lord took a direct approach to the conflict. Instead of receiving Peter’s rebuke, He turned the tables. He called Peter out for mimicking Satan and opposing God’s plan for redemption. He lived out His own teaching by talking to the other person in the conflict first (Matthew 18:15).
Now, don’t get me wrong: Jesus never picked a fight with anyone. Even when He cleansed the temple, His anger was righteous, directed at the injustice and irreverence He saw around Him (Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:45-46; John 2:14-16). But He never ran away from conflict. Like Paul, He believed in living at peace with everyone to the extent that was possible (Romans 12:18). But His perfect character required Him to take a stand when necessary.
The power of truth
The writer of Hebrews stated that Jesus experienced everything we experience—just without sin (Hebrews 4:15). Yet, as the perfect Son of God, truth and honesty were at the core of who Jesus was and how He resolved conflict.
No matter the situation, Jesus always spoke the truth. In fact, speaking truth actually created a lot of the tension between Him and the religious leaders of the day. Groups like the scribes and Pharisees had established their authority through their interpretations of God’s laws. However, Jesus challenged those ideas. He didn’t come to abolish the law, but He did come to set the record straight so people could understand what the Father really expected of them (Matthew 5:17–6:24).
When Jesus challenged the leaders’ worldview, it sparked conflict. Of course, when people accepted the truth from Jesus, they experienced blessing. But Jesus never based His approach to conflict on the response of others. He evaluated each situation honestly and never failed to lean into the truth.
Starting with love
If we’re honest, many of the conflicts we face are rooted in selfishness. We don’t get what we want, so we lash out. We don’t feel respected, so we respond in anger or frustration. Our sinful human natures are wired to look out for No. 1, but that’s also the main ingredient in any recipe for conflict.
In contrast, Jesus was able to handle conflict with grace because He never lost sight of love. Without exception, He focused on what was best for the other person. As He said, He came to serve instead of being served—even when it meant giving His life for people who had rejected Him (John 3:16; Mark 10:45).
Whether we’re trying to imitate Jesus’s approach to forgiveness or figure out how to navigate tough conversations biblically, we’ll never go wrong by starting with love. By focusing on ways we can serve others, we can see beyond the smoke of our conflicts and discover what’s really causing the fire. We will never love others as much as Jesus does, but we can learn to love them more than we do—and that should define how we handle our conflicts with them.
Give it to God
Centuries before Jesus was born, God outlined how He expected His people to deal with conflict. First and foremost, He told them that “vengeance and retribution belong to me” (Deuteronomy 32:35). That doesn’t mean we can’t defend ourselves. But it does mean that, when all is said and done, God is the One who makes all things right. We need to seek His answers and follow His directions.
And, ultimately, we need to trust Him.
The writers of the New Testament echoed this truth. For example, Paul pointed the Romans back to Deuteronomy when it came to resolving conflict with grace (Romans 12:17-21). Likewise, Peter urged his readers to deal with persecution and abuse by following the example of Jesus. If you’ve ever wondered how did Jesus handle conflict, Peter gives the answer: He “entrusted himself to the one who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).
God knows about your conflicts. He’s wise, so He can show you how to respond. He’s strong, so He can bring you through the storm. And He’s good, so He will make things right in His way and in His timing. You can leave the results in His hands.
Jesus did—and that might be the most important lesson we learn from Him about resolving conflict.
