One advantage we have as fathers – experience. We’ve seen this go awry, and we can sometimes help our children avoid danger. We can help them see around corners.

Yet, overplaying that hand can make us dogmatic, arrogant and judgmental. Hardly a winsome or influential approach. How can we offer wise counsel without being so heavy handed they ignore us?

Let’s learn from Solomon. He sets a masterful example in warning his son about the adulteress in Proverbs 7 (maybe go read it first).

Rooted in Relationship

Note his opening: “My son…”. He doesn’t start in with, “You know your problem?!” He begins with: their relationship. The next few verses are a warm plea. He’s not rude. He’s entreating.

Steeped in Story

Then, he tells a story. A parable, really. Perhaps is retelling a sanitized version of his own father’s error with Bathsheba (See 2 Samuel 11). If it were a movie: “This parable is based on actual events. David is played by ‘the young man,’ and Nathan is played by yours truly.” Intriguing.

Good stories grab attention. Stories help us to identify with the characters without feeling unduly judged or exposed. Savvy move.

Clear with Consequences

Son, the guy in this story gets slaughtered. That’s his fate. No “good vibes” here. No hero’s journey. Just a fool doing what fools do. Don’t be him. Solomon clearly describes the consequences using relevant metaphors to drive the point home.

Adapt and Apply

As modern dads, we’ll need to adapt the methods. Odds are, our sons won’t be chased down in a grocery store by a woman who’s covered her couch with Egyptian linen. Yet, our children will be tempted by many “adulteresses,” literal and metaphorical.

Pornography. Greed. Fame. Control. Gossip. Vanity.

Each of these “forbidden women” represent destructive pursuits. And, the easy access to these online is real. Today, our children aren’t usually chased by people in stores, they’re relentlessly pursued by algorithms and big-budget marketing shops seducing them to step in for a taste.

A Word of Caution

There is one key mistake dads are tempted to make in this arena. Instead of offering counsel, we talk like arrogant fortune-tellers. We say, “I’ve seen this movie before,” or “I know exactly how this will play out.” Hmm. Tempting, isn’t it? We may have a valid point.

But, we have to ask ourselves: do we want just to be right, or do we also want to be influential? 

We have a valuable perspective, but we shove it at our child so hard, they recoil rather than receive.

You could say something like, “Now, I may be wrong, but, here’s what I see.” Approach your son or daughter with care. Let your words be seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6). This unlocks your full influence.

By approaching high-impact topics with grace and humility, we can guide and counsel our children well.

The stakes are too high for us to let our egos get in the way.

Now, go tell them a story.