Great dads don’t just happen. It’s not like we wake up one day and suddenly realize that we’re awesome fathers. Waving a wand or taking a magic pill won’t turn us into the fathers our kids need us to be.
To become a great dad as we see in the Bible, we have to work at it . . . every, single day!
“Great Dads” are always a work in progress
I’ve often told my kids that they are masterpieces in the making. They aren’t perfect, but they are learning and growing a little more each day. Great dads understand that the same principle applies to us.
No matter where we are, we move ahead one step at a time.
Here Are Ten Things Great Dads Do
Since we never really “arrive” as great dads, I’ve made a list of 10 ways we all can improve. You might find that you’re stronger in some of these areas than in others. If so, that’s great! If we’re honest, though, we can probably find room for growth in every area.
You don’t have to jump in with both feet and try to tackle all 10 at once. Start slowly. Focus on two or three and add the others as you get more comfortable. Again, this isn’t a race. It’s a lifelong process. Then 10 ideas just give you a solid place to start.
1. Spend time with your child.
Presence is always better than “presents”. In other words, the best gift you can give your son or daughter is yourself. Spend time with them, doing the things that energize them—even if it’s uncomfortable for you.
The biggest danger here is letting work or other things become the priority. You might think multitasking is better than nothing, but your kids will only remember that you weren’t really focused on them. Great dads set aside the distractions and give their kids undivided attention.
2. Discipline the right way.
One of the things I regret most about my earlier days as a dad is that I flopped in this area. I don’t like conflict, so I steered away from discipline when possible. Unfortunately, that just made things worse. The tension would build until I finally disciplined out of anger or frustration instead of love.
It’s an easy mistake to make, which is why we have to be on our guard. Here’s one tip to remember: Great dads discipline themselves first, which makes it easier to discipline their kids well.
3. Be their role model.
If you want your son to become a good man, be a good man yourself. If you want your daughter to pick the right guys to date and marry, show her what they look like in real time. That’s what great fathers do.
Thankfully, our kids naturally look to us first as role models. They want us to show them the way. We just need to take advantage of the opportunity we’ve been given.
4. Listen more.
In the Bible, a man named James gave his readers some great advice: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). Dads who want to be great understand how this applies to their role as fathers. We need to spend at least as much time listening to our kids as we do talking to them.
Of course, you want to listen (with great eye contact) when they are speaking to you directly. But don’t miss the chance to listen when they aren’t really talking to you. For example, you’re on taxi duty, taking your daughter and her friends to a school event. Or, your son has some buddies over to do some gaming. You can learn a lot about your kids by simply being a fly on the wall when they talk to others.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
5. Share meals as a family.
For decades, researchers have been talking about the importance of families gathering around the dinner table on a regular basis. Over that time, nothing has really changed. Sharing meals is still a characteristic of strong families, and great dads make sure it happens.
Sharing meals shows up on every list of healthy family habits because it builds unity. Family members actually slow down and put eyes on one another. In addition, it sparks great conversations because we drop our guards and reconnect.
6. Treat their mom well.
You can give your children no greater gift than to treat their mother biblically with the respect she deserves. Boys learn how to treat women by watching their dads. Girls learn how they should be treated the same way. Even if you’re divorced from their mom, you can still set a positive example by showing appreciation for her role as a parent.
This love and respect should include words and actions. It’s not enough to say nice things. You have to live it out by doing nice things, as well.
7. Show and speak love.
We can talk all we want about sticks and stones, but we all know that words really can hurt. Great dads know that love can be demonstrated by what we say, along with what we do.
On the verbal side, be quick to tell your kids how much you love them. And compliment their character, not just their physical appearance or talents. On the action side, don’t shy away from hugs and high-fives. Even if you’re not comfortable with showing physical affection, it will speak volumes to your kids.
8. Read to them.
This one might come as a surprise, but it shows up on just about every “becoming a great dad” list out there. And it makes sense because it touches on several other things great dads do—like spending time with kids and plugging into their interests.
One great memory my son and I share is reading through The Chronicles of Narnia books together when he was young. He’s now a young adult, but he still talks about those nights. That’s a perfect example of the impact great dads can have through the written page.
9. Give them space to fail.
No dad worth his salt want to see his children struggle and fail. But great fathers also understand that failure is part of life in this broken and hurting world. So, the question really becomes when your kids will learn to face failure, not if they will.
One great danger of helicopter parents is that their kids don’t face challenges and suffer defeat until their adults. By that time, it can be devastating. It’s much better for them to have room to fail while they’re still under your roof. That way, you can be there to encourage and support them.
10. Be their spiritual mentor.
As a Christian, I believe that God calls parents, especially fathers, to be the primary spiritual mentors of their kids. I believe that this world is not the end of the story, so I need to do all I can to make sure my kids are ready for eternity.
The most basic step in spiritual mentorship is taking your kids to church. But great dads take things a step further. They talk about God at home too. They share who He is and what He means to their lives. They demonstrate how faith connects to everyday life. As a father, your kids are your first mission field.
It’s A Never-Ending Story
If you’re looking at this list and finding more gaps than you would like, that’s all right. Again, you’re a work in progress. So, give yourself a little grace.
At the same time, never give up on getting better. With God’s help, you can be the dad He created you to be and the father your kids really need. God knew exactly what He was doing when He placed your kids in your house. He doesn’t make mistakes, and He can help you become a great dad in His eyes.
